Entry 1: The 4 Kingdoms' History, written by wally

[Lucario EX]

Nearly 500 years ago, 4 Kingdom live in Dark Era. These 4 Kingdoms always battled each other with 1 target which is to conquer
the most land and sea. The 4 Kingdoms are, The Northern Basilik, The Southern Snake, The Eastern Serpent and The Western Dragon.
One day, a Wise Pokémon appear. He is Poryon the Porygon. He took his time to meet with 4 the Kingdom's Leader to consult them
to make peace with each other. As the Porygon was so wise, that he manage to manipulate the Leaders mind to be meet with each
other by attending THE PEACE NEGOTIATION MEETING at the centre of this 4 Kingdoms. The negotiation goes well without any
interruption. At the end, all 4 of the Leaders agree to elect Poryon to be their leader because for his wisdom. From that day
he was called Grand Master. The 4 leader were elected to the Kingdom Guardian Status. The Kingdom of Northern Basilisk,
Southern Snake, Eastern Serpent and Western Dragon were taken care of Prince Krabben of Calm Sea the Kingdra, Prince Luxion
of Dusk Land the Luxray, Prince Charon of Fiery Land the Charizard and Prince Drista of Breezing Sky the Dragonite respectively.
After a year, Grand Master Poryon consults the Royal Minister Lord Trix the Magnezone, for passing the Throne. He held an
election for the next King. The decision was the first King is Luxion the Guardian of Southern Snake. He asks the Royal Minister
to paralyze himself for future use. The chain continues with Northern Basilisk, Eastern Serpent, Western Dragon, Royal Minister,
Southern Snake and so on. The 2nd King from the Royal Minister and his wife were paralyzed for future use which is before the
14th King deceased. He planned himself to be paralyze ones again but he was murdered before he could, leaving his wife depress
that she detached herself. After that incident all the Kingdoms changes their name from Northern Basilisk, Southern Snake,
Eastern Serpent and Western Dragon into Northern Sea, Southern Land, Eastern Flame and Western Sky, respectively. The first
time the Kingdom have no male ruler is the time that Queen Chrin from The Eastern Flame Palace rule. The 20th ruler is
Grand Master Poryon but as Porygon2. Later he paralyzes himself back for future use. King Mersea the 22nd ruler is the first
King when missing and never been found till now. The 2nd time there is no male ruler is during the time Queen Drinita. She
was a cruel ruler. After she was defected , the tradition on passing the crown to the next Kingdom stops. A new tradition
begins, the next ruler was chosen by the Royal Minister based on his age. That is because the next King in line, Prince Feline
when missing. He was missing before the Coronation forcing the Royal Ministry to de-paralyze Grand Master Poryon. The 25th
ruler evolved himself into Porygon-Z to upgrade his memory. King Perrion is the 1st king to be murdered and starting from
that day most of King Lucran and Queen Fiera descendents were brutally murdered. Prince Nite was going to be crown as King
when he died in the Great War making his brother the next King. After 20 years of ruling, King Skippy suddenly disappear
leaving Queen Sally as ruler until the next King is crowned.

The next King is found, he is the descendents of Crunchy and Tyrion, the most trusted Palace Minister. History has been made,
there is no Guardian and ruler from the Northern Sea Palace left for the 1st time. This is because Prince Psycho became crazy
while Princess Laprina declined the offer. The next King in line is now Prince LuckRay, Prince Konan, Princess Flames,
Lord Blade and Madam Voir, Princess Crisha and Prince Crushern.

Prince LuckRay has married with a the newly found Princess, Artillia, so as the Prince Crushern with Princess Flames. On the wedding day,
Princess Crisha left her royalties and has never been seem since. One of the Palace Minister also married earlier and hatched 2 children,
a male and a female. While Prince Crushern in a koma, Princess Flames laid and hatched 5 eggs. So as Princess Artillia but with her husband
supervision. Earlier, the TLORD make a final disbanned before the GRD is formed. Later on, Queen's Drinita's body is found and she was brutally
murded before the TLORD were even active. As time past, Princess Artillia and 4 of her son left Prince LuckRay devastated. To be seen that
Artillia when missing and soon be found of her dead body with Lucy. But the other 3 are still missing.

After some times, it is revealed that Porcher was the one that formed TLORD and GRD. He had tranform himself to manipulate others. Finally he was seen
swallon into the Dark Hole created by the brave 100th Rebirth of Grand Master DreadLord, DragLord the Sorcerror. All when well until King Crushern suddenly
disappear into thin air. Leaving the palace empty. The Ministers first want to Crown LuckRay as King, but due to his terrible state, Crushern was crowned instead.
Since then, nothing weird has happen. The Kingdom was save even though only few remain, the spirit of the dead family still live within the leaving Bloodline's heart.

 

[Lucario EX]

My opinions:

This doesn't seem to be a story, just a catalog of events. I think you'd be better off making this the base for your story instead.

Basically, here's the problem: You need to actually write the specific scenes, in detail, instead of just a summary of them. Otherwise, the characters have no personality. They're just names. I don't have any reason to care what happens to a bunch of characters who are nothing more than names. When all you write is a listing of what happens to a bunch of characters that nobody cares about, it's not very interesting.

It's essential that you make the readers feel as if all, or nearly all, the characters could be real. You have to be able to think about them and say, that's exactly the sort of thing someone would really say, do, feel in that situation.

Also, use paragraphs, proper grammar, and correct spelling. It doesn't matter what you write if nobody can read it. Anything that's worth writing is worth writing carefully.

Sorry if I come off as offensive or overly critical, and thanks for competing.