a fiction

Discussion in 'Pokemon Fan Fiction' started by CheeseEX, May 10, 2008.

  1. CheeseEX

    CheeseEX New Member

    i am not good with puntuwaltion and spelling so this mite be horable


    proluge

    once apon a time there was a pokemon ranger he was undercover as a team glatic commoander his name was bud he had 1 pokemon elekid he was a speacil ranger he was permited to carry pokeballs but team desturction came and tokk over the world distoryed team rocket magama aqua and glatic now a band of resisters is stoping the total conquest of the world he is in that group and this is his story

    chapter 1 the take over

    under consturction
     
    Last edited: May 12, 2008
  2. charmander rox

    charmander rox New Member

    Woah, too fast. In one paragraph, no, one sentence, you've got an undercover ranger, Elekid, and a Team Destruction that came in and took over the world. Slow down, por favor. Perhaps you should describe what happends to Bud while he is undercover, sending messages out about how Team Galactic is being overthrown.
     
  3. CheeseEX

    CheeseEX New Member

    i am new with this
     
  4. charmander rox

    charmander rox New Member

    We can tell. Maybe you should read a novel, just to get the idea of how fast it is supposed to go. Do you have spell check?
     
  5. CheeseEX

    CheeseEX New Member

  6. charmander rox

    charmander rox New Member

    SpellCheck is a feature on MicrosoftWord that will underline misspelled works in red, so that you can right-click them and change them.
     
  7. CheeseEX

    CheeseEX New Member

    uh i am not useing microsoft word for this

    i will post chapter 1 in a bit
    i just need some 1 to post
     
    Last edited: May 11, 2008
  8. charmander rox

    charmander rox New Member

    If you need to know what a fanfic is supposed to look like, go to Daieoskail. It is a perfect example of a well-executed fanfic.

    Or, go to the Mystery Dungeon fanfic to find out what not to do.
     
  9. CheeseEX

    CheeseEX New Member

    ok i did that
    but the frist thing was to long for me

    Back to back posts merged. The following information has been added:

    chapter 1 the take over

    Bud had just got back form a mission and he was shocked at what he saw he saw.

    He saw the team glatic base complety distoryed. He tryed contacting ranger hq nothing but statick.

    He tryed the ranger uinion hq to notheing but statick.

    He hid as a plaine flew over.

    He saw a insignea that he had just learned about it was a big D the sign of team disturction.

    Bud heard a voice behind him.

    It said turn arond hands in the air he turned arond but he kicked the person who had gave him orders.

    He sent out elekid and said elekid thunder wave.

    elekid parelized the person only then did bud realize that it was a team destuction gurnt.

    bud ran and ran and toke over a new life in canalive city.

    1 day he was walking home and he saw something percurer 4 gurnts and a kid the kid had a leafeon out but the gurnts had a goolem carzaarid staramee and a abomasnow the glooems tranier told it to use rock slide and it koed the boys leafeon.

    well well well look what we have here a resister gurnt nummber 1 said that stroke bud and he thout hum a resistance.

    he sent out elekid and had it use thunderwave on the trainers it worked. the pokemon had no1 to commond it.

    elekid koed them in no time.

    The boy said thanks and asked why he saved him he said the gurnt said you were a resister.

    And i had heard about the resitance before i was wondering if i could jon it.

    The boy said that bud could and said his name was trever and bud told the boy his name.

    Bud followed treaver to a ship and they went inside.

    end of chapter 1
     
    Last edited: May 11, 2008
  10. KAZUTO!!!

    KAZUTO!!! New Member

    Chapter 1 was pretty good. Maybe a few more details, but still. Like C-Rox said, check out Daioskail if you want to see what well-written Fanfics look like, Mystery Dungeon if you want to see what not to do. Your grammar is terrible (no offense), so try to make that better, by writing out first on MicrosoftWord for the Spell Check, then Copy/Paste it here. Also, use capitals and "". Without it, your Fanfic is hard to read.
     
  11. meditite rox

    meditite rox New Member

    Why does he run into a nearby city then take over a new life, as in get a new job and a house and forget his past or something? It doesn't make sense.
     
  12. CheeseEX

    CheeseEX New Member

    that will be anserewed in a ater chapter
     
  13. charmander rox

    charmander rox New Member

    Well, could you at least describe his new life in the city? Is he a ranger anymore? Does he have a job? Did he get married? Did he run into any financial problems? How long did he spend in this new life until he met Trevor?
     
  14. CheeseEX

    CheeseEX New Member

    that will be explaned to

    Back to back posts merged. The following information has been added:

    update chapter 2 will be posted in a littel bit

    Back to back posts merged. The following information has been added:

    Chapter 2 meat the team

    When bud and Trevor got into the ship it literally went at a speed that made buds stomach hurt. When it stopped the door open and Trevor said we are here.

    Bud said where are we now.

    At the teams HQ said Trevor

    So you want to be on the team? Trevor asked.

    Yeah said bud.

    Well follow me.

    Bud followed Trevor for 10 minutes then they came to a door.

    They went in and Trevor went to the computer and typed and typed and typed and typed and typed and typed and typed and typed and typed and typed and typed and typed and typed and typed and typed and typed and typed and typed and typed and typed and typed and typed and typed and typed and typed and typed and typed and typed and typed and typed and typed and typed and typed and typed and typed and typed and typed and typed and typed and typed and typed and typed and typed and typed and typed and typed and typed and typed and typed and typed and typed and typed and typed and typed and typed and typed and typed and typed and typed and typed and typed and typed and typed and typed and typed and typed and typed and typed and typed and typed and typed and typed and typed and typed and typed and typed and typed and typed and typed and typed and typed and typed and typed and typed and typed and typed and typed and typed and typed and typed and typed and typed and typed and typed and typed and typed and typed and typed and typed and typed and typed and typed and typed and typed and typed and typed and typed and typed and typed and typed and typed and typed and typed and typed and typed and typed and typed and typed and typed and typed and typed and typed and typed and typed and typed and typed and typed and typed and typed and typed and typed and typed and typed and typed and typed and typed and typed and typed and typed and typed and typed and typed and typed and typed and typed and typed and typed and typed and typed and typed and typed and typed and typed and typed and typed and typed and typed and typed and typed and typed and typed and typed and typed and typed and typed and typed and typed and typed and typed and typed and typed and typed and typed and typed and typed and typed and typed and typed and typed and typed and typed and typed and typed and typed and typed and typed and typed and typed and typed and typed and typed and typed and typed and typed and typed and typed and typed and typed and typed and typed and typed and typed and typed and typed and typed and typed and typed and typed

    Then finally he said ok you’re in.

    Good now what? Bud asked.
    Now you get to meat the team Trevor said.

    He lead bud to another room and yelled hey Jeffery you in there?!

    A boy came out and said what!!!!!!!!!!!?

    Jeffery this is a newbie show him around pleas.

    Ok Jeffery replied ok fine whatever.

    Jeffery had no interest what so ever.

    And he showed bud around the ship.

    But no1 was there bud was wondering why no1 was here.

    As if Jeffery read his mind he said every1 that’s not here is on a mission.

    Well here are your quarters good night.

    End chapter 2
     
    Last edited: May 12, 2008
  15. charmander rox

    charmander rox New Member

    This looks too much like Absoltrainer's fanfic. Way too much like it. Team takeover, joining a team trying to resist... you've even got a character named Jeffery.
     
  16. Absoltrainer

    Absoltrainer Active Member

    ....I agree.....

    A Team Ship...
    Jeffrey...
    Team Resistance...
    Bad Team takes over the world....

    The general similarities between MY chapter 2 called "Meet the Team" including the name.....a newbie, and a guy showing him around.....except I use correct punctuation, spacing, quotations....and how it ends in his sleeping quarters.....


    The overall plot and story looks a lot like a "Vii" version of my fanfic......

    Please (whether intentional or not) try not to recreate Pokemon: Ruins© too much.....
     
    Last edited: May 13, 2008
  17. CheeseEX

    CheeseEX New Member

    sorry i was just starting and that was what inspirered me i wil make it alot different soon

    ok i need some help with creating carecters if you want in pm me and tell me your caricters name and pokemon
     
    Last edited: May 16, 2008
  18. Muscovy Level X

    Muscovy Level X New Member

    The first thing that strikes me here is the spelling. I'll give you the benifit of the doubt that you may be young, or English isn't your first language. However, I'm afraid no-one will really take it serriously if over 50% is spelled wrong.
    Use quotation marks when people do speak, and have people directly speak more. It doesn't sound as good when it's just saying the point what someone said. Also, quotation marks are your friend.
    And lastly, it sounds as if you've taken the latest chapter from someone else. It's okay to get inspirations from others' work, but don't copy.
     
  19. CheeseEX

    CheeseEX New Member

    was nt trying to copy it i forgot the eralyer capters and yes i am a kid
     
  20. Lakak

    Lakak New Member

    *awaits BT*

    *laughs*
     

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