Phazon's Reposted BR Reports

Discussion in 'Battle Roads' started by Phazon Elite, Jun 2, 2008.

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  1. Phazon Elite

    Phazon Elite New Member

    Well, this is a repost because most of my humor was apparently not PG, which is what happens when you have a 21 year old man who grew up watching perverted anime and playing Pokemon. I have to something to make up for the fact that I love to play Pokemon. I'm not rich or successful, so I make stupid, dirty jokes.

    . . . there, I think I got it all. Meh, a few people saw my original comments, so it's all good. : )

    So anyway, I spent the better part of last week testing out Empoleon-Bronzong, which was originally Magmortar-Bronzong, but was then changed because everyone used Fire at the Loki BR. As a good service to youz, you shall now be treated to the Pokemon list of the best rogue deck I've ever made (which is a sad statement in of itself)

    3 Piplup (Wit da Berry!)
    2 Prinplup DP
    3 Empoleon MD
    1 Empoleon Lv. x
    2 Bronzor MD
    2 Bronzong DP
    2 Baltoy
    2 Claydol
    2 Phione

    So, yeah. Spread damage like a knife spreads butter, beat the heck out of anything fiery, and go around 50-50 against PLOX/GG. Plox is easier than GG, though. Emp X is there to maul hands while sniping Claydols. Works hilariously well. Phione is so I don't have only 8 basics.

    I also built a modern version of the deck I used at Regionals (Magmortar-Cessation) for Tim to use. He likey. A lot.

    We left and went to Portland for the Guardian Games BR. Exciting, I know. Shut up and listen.

    R1 vs. Guy from Loki's League w/Magmortar-Garchomp
    Ahh, Magmortar. Dream Matchup, and the only one I'd face all day. There's not much to say, as baring a horrid start, everything I have just mauls Magmortar and Battle Frontier tamed his Chomps. He tried Rebirthing stuff, but I'd usually just Warp Point and kill it with Empoleon. He ended up drawing a couple of prizes thanks to Chomp X's Power and my own Empoleon's attack smacking my guys, but his battle was just too uphill. Sorry, man.


    R2 vs. DEATHLORD2000!!!!! w/GFG
    Great game throughout. I let him kill a Phione or whatever, then bum-rushed his Gallade with two Scrambled Bronzongs. The first one got killed by Gallade, and the second one got killed by Lake Boundary + Gardevoir. At this point, we apparently had a huge slugfest of death and doomstruction which ended with him having a Furrett and a Garde X - both damage free - to my Empoleon X and Claydol - also both damage free. He has one prize left, and it's now my turn. He used Bring Down last turn, and he'll use it again to kill Claydol for game next time, so I use Cosmic Power to return a Piplup and something else to my deck and I draw an Empoleon to go with my previously obtained Rare Candy. I attach a DRE to Claydol, Warp Point, retreat Claydol and Dual Splash to put his Furret at 30. He then Warps and hits Claydol for 60. I can't put 50 more damage on Furret, so I lose. Would have easily won if I had kept that Piplup in my hand so I could Candy to an Empoleon, but oh well. One of the best guys I could possibly lose to.


    Tim and I go to lunch at Burger King. I had a lot of cheese that morning, so I pitched a tent over the latrine and had contemplated my existence. Talked on the phone for a bit . . , then realized that it was 2:30. So, Tim and a now slightly lighter me ran out of there, getting back to the venue at 2:40. I was met by much jeering and people yelling my name in octaves lower than they should have, and also thunderous, sarcastic applause. Apparently, everyone in Oregon is a light, and I turn them all on.

    Now, I understand that all of you want what this delicious hunk of mantasticness has to offer you and your family, but that is entirely not the right way to go about it. Keep such fantasies secret, and disclose them to me in a discrete fashion. hooping and hollering whenever I walk into a room is a MAJOR turn-off, and it makes people less attractive than you feel like they haven't got a shot in the dark at having all this man at their disposal.

    So please, take your eyes off the prize: me.

    R3 vs. Breon w/Old Skool Delta Deck
    Good ol' fashoined Gatr d-Flygon d-Deoxys d. Lovely. -_-
    Luckily, Battle Frontier stuck all game and Bronzong feasted bountifully on various Powers. A bushel full of Warp Points, which spilled Warp Points into my hand at will, also helped slow his Gatr Brigade. Thank goodness. GG, man.


    R4 vs. Cory w/Zapdos-Bronzong-Amphy
    He played and lost a close game against Tim last round, so I was rather worried, to say the least. Luckily, his deck bottomed out on him and his dice supplied him with all the taile he could want while he was forced to attack with a Scrambled Aerodactyl. Meanwhile, I got a really quick Bronzong and started using Call Energy's effect when he finally got a heads on Supersonic. All of that combined with Battle Frontier and my own spread proved to be too much for him. Hard to fight back after a start like that, though.


    R5 vs. Kenny w/Crawdaunt ex-Weavile
    This wasn't even fair. He's using nothing but Power-reliant buggers for Bronzong to pick apart and exes for Empoleon to finish off. It's a cool deck, but it just cannot stand up to Bronzong. GG Kenny, it takes a lot of guts to try a deck like that nowadays.


    So, I found out that two 4-1's would not make it. This saddened me until I thought about it:
    DEATHLORD2000 went 5-0
    Tim went 4-1 and lost to DEATHLORD2000
    I went 4-1 and lost to DEATHLORD2000
    Steven went 4-1 and lost to DEATHLORD2000 in R5.
    By clever deduction, I deduced that the top cut would consist of DEATHLORD2000, Tim, Steven and me. I was correct. Hear that? Sounds like someone's planning on breaking me and my girlfriend up, then moving in on me just because of how hot my psychic powers are. You have no heart. That poor girl would die.

    TOP CUT:
    Me w/Empoleon Bronzong
    Tim w/Scholarship.dec
    Josh w/GFG
    Steven w/GG or GFG, I dunno.

    T4 vs. DEATHLORD2000 w/GFG
    Game 1: T2 or T3 Gallade rips my eyes out of my socket. 0-1
    Game 2: T2 Gardevoir cannot stand up to the pure might of Empoleon sniping every frickin Ralts or Kirlia he plays down. 1-1
    Game 3: T2 or T3 Gallade glues my eyes back in place, then rips them out yet again. 1-2

    Tim also lost.

    oh, well. Both Marvin decks made top cut, so I'm happy. ^^

    So, I called OSP and organized trades for today. The Eugene BR might have been my last POP tournament for quite some time, so I wanted to finally use PLOX or GG. I've been wanting to use it for months, so I was very excited to play with it. Like a fool, I was blinded by the awesomeness of using PLOX and I forgot to put a starter in my deck. Behold, my laughable Pokemon line. Shut up:

    4-2-3-1-2 Garde/Gallade
    2-2 Claydol
    2-2 Palkia Lv. X
    1 Holon's Castform
    1 Phione

    "Dude, where Ducknoir? U need Ducknoir!"

    Shush. I noticed that I've been playing like every GG has Dusknoir, even if I never see a Duskull. I decided that I'm not the only person smart enough to do that, so I'd use a different tech. My main idea was Restructure-Teleportation-Moonlight Stadium-Gallade-ZOMGYOURBENCHEDGUYISDEADNOW with a touch of Restrucure-Teleportation-LOLIKILLYOURBASICS. Sadly, my strategy turned into T2 Palkia Lv. X-Running-For-His-Life-While-Bringing-Up-Enemy-Claydols-To-Stall-For-Time. The latter is clearly the inferior of the three above strategies.

    R1 vs. Janet w/Empoleon-Cessation
    T2 Cessation Nooooooo. I didn't run Windstorms, Pachirisu or Warp Point Noooooo. She smacked my guys around forever Noooooooo. I finally got a Gallade out Yaaaaaaay. Gallade pimpslapped her deck across it's proverbial face Yaaaaaay.
    Luckily, Janet later purchased me lunch at Quiznos (thanks janet!!), which helped soothe the burning hatred we have felt for each other for the past decade. XD, jk ^^


    R2 vs. Steve (I think) w/Magmortar-Typhlosion.
    Ohhhhhh, yeahhhhh. Palkia-Call-Energy-Uber-Combo activate. T2 Palkia X, Go! Annoy the heck out of Steve AND me! Yeah, that's the spirit! Supporters, Rare Candies and Claydols are for wussies! Real men fight with Ralts and Palkias! Ooohhhhhhh yyyyeeeaaaahhh.
    Meanwhile, over at Camp Steve, T1 Claydol stops by to visit, as does everything else he needs.
    Oh, well. he's a very nice, respectable man.




    Janet got me stuff at Quizno's. Thanks Janet! ^^

    Then, DEATHLORD2000, Trevor and I went on another Hilarious Adventure of Doomsday and Food. Since Trevor said he'd do the lunch report again, I shall politely let him do so. Make my thread fun to read, slave!

    Edit: It is finished!! With free bonus Props and Slops!

    Thanks, Trevor. = )


    R3. vs. Drew w/Mr. Raichu's Darkrai-Weavile Deck.
    T2 Palkia X Wonder Team Activate! Form of: Incompetence!

    . . . because Palkia is incompetent. Like a high school dropout.

    Palkia, I command you to jump in the water and wash yourself off. After that, dive back down and forget to breathe. Do it. Now.


    R4 vs. Guy who has a life w/Garde-Darkrai
    I forgot his name, but the fact that he sported full Professor gear with a very outdoorsy look about him lead me to make a comment about him having a life, which garnered much chuckling. But yeah, my Palkia start got scared of my murderous intent toward Palkia and let me have something to work with for once. Restructure FTW.
    GG, man. Pleasure meeting you.

    R5 vs. DEATHLORD2000 w/Darkrai-Weavile HUUUUUHHHH?
    Apparently, Josh (DEATHLORD2000) used Trevor's deck yesterday, so Trevor took it back and stuck him with this sack of trash. This was hilariously tipped in my favor. Trevor's evil.


    So, I traveled back to Salem with Josh and Keyhan. It was awesome. Josh and I proved that we are very good at making dirty comments and making Keyhan blush. You'd think someone slapped the guy.

    Propz and Slopz:

    My mortal enemy, Janet.
    Daniel for trading me the PLOX-ie goodness.
    Josh for winning on Saturday.
    Trevor for winning on Sunday with the same deck that Josh used on Saturday.
    Tim, for finally using an archetype.
    Burger King.

    Palkia for not killing himself yet. Don't make me get out the bat . . .
    Palkia for making me get out the bat.
    Me for having a wooden bat. Stupid fragile bat.
    Bats, for being the creepiest mammals ever.
    Pachirisu, for not forcing me to put him in my deck.
    Chris, for being there. Yes, again. Don't defend him, you just laughed at this and we know you did.
    The lake I told Palkia to jump in, for being only 1" deep.
    Portland for having idiots decide when to block off certain I-5 S entrances.


    Ok, so, the Eugene BR might, as I said, have been the last time any of you all will see me at a tournament for the next few years. I might be working weekends soon (I'll keep ya posted on when I start and all that), and I'll be moving directly to New Mexico after I'm done saving money and College-ing it up. If this proves true, I just want to say thanks to all of you for being my friends for the past few years, and I hope most of you will still be here when I come back. I'll never forget how awesome even the most minuscule tournament was, and I hope to chat with yall online still.

    Marvin Quaschnick

    Update: Well, I just got a call from WalMart and they want me to come in for orientation tomorrow. If I were to guess, I'll probably be starting my 2-11 shift next week.

    Update: It seems as though my days off will be Tuesday and Wednesday. : (
    Last edited: Jun 3, 2008
  2. CyberManectric

    CyberManectric Active Member

    Awesome, and hilarious report Marvin. Too bad we're losing you to Wal-mart.
    *Purchases demolision equipment* >_>

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