Pikamaster
Active Member
Hello everyone~
It's been a while, hasn't it? A couple years back, Luc EX ran a fan fiction contest, if anyone remembers, or even reads this. My first round entry, Plagued, won the round and I had assumed it would just be that, a one-shot. Well, it's a small chapter story now and has been growing slowly over these two years. Figured I might as well post it here, because why not? Constructive reviews would be helpful if given.
Anyway, I'll spread this out somewhat, depending on when I get around to posting it. Enjoy~
Chapter 1- This post
Chapter 2- This post
Chapter 3- Post #2
Chapter 4- Post #3
Chapter 5- Post #4
Chapter 6- Post #4
Chapter 7 (last chapter)- Post #5
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Plagued
The harsh wind bit at his exposed skin, cold as his heart. Why had he let his fear get in the way? The snow had piled up around him, threatening to rise over his knees, but he did not care. He had come here to this Arceus-forsaken mountain with the hope that throwing himself into near-constant battle with its territorial wild Pokémon would take his mind off of her; that or it would kill him. Disappointingly, neither had happened so far. She still entered his every thought, ghostly images of her lurked in every shadow; her laughter was an eternal burden on his heart. And then there was the other question...
He knew that he had loved her then, and that fire had not quite been snuffed yet. His heart had started fluttering at the sight of her just after that fateful encounter with Celebi, when her true gender had finally been revealed to him. Other people had told him that it was silly- stupid, even- to say that he was in love with a twelve-year-old girl when he was only fourteen himself, but he had ignored them. Their opinions meant nothing to him; he knew what he felt better than they did.
Every moment spent in her presence from then on had brought a smile to his face and delight into his heart. She had been the light in his otherwise gray and routine life, and he had told her as such; the words had made her hide her face and blush. The color faded from his world when she was not with him, only to flare back into existence all the more vibrant when he got to spend time with her again. Together they had kept this a secret from everyone else for years, not wanting their fragile love to be shattered by the harsh truth of reality, subconsciously realizing that it would be if exposed.
I shielded her from everything. Is that partly why she left? Because I was so over-protective, then I didn’t do it?
With great care, the fact that they were together was kept in silence, although their attraction for each other shone through to the world; that was an impossible secret to keep. Waves of calamity in the form of power-hungry villains had tried to sweep them into oblivion, mercilessly breaking on them both, threatening to drag them into the void. But they had always overcome their obstacles, sometimes with the help of others. Others who understood what they had together. The same others who did not understand why he let her go. He was still wondering that himself.
How could I have been so stupid?
Their late teen years had been paradise- peaceful and pure, utter bliss with a twist of ecstasy. Then there had been their early twenties. She had been leaving hints that she wanted to be more than what they were. He had, like a fool, shushed her every time, saying that they had all the time in the world. Hindsight allowed him to see that while he had had all the time in the world, she had not. He had acted content, but the reality had been that the thought of progressing paralyzed him. He, the champion of the Pokémon League, the conqueror of Team Rocket, the “fearless battler”, had become petrified as the stone he had once been when confronted with four little words.
Why did he torture himself like this, standing in the freezing cold, remembering the story he so desperately wanted to forget? Was there still some false hope that she would come back to him, despite everything? Or was he punishing himself for what he had failed to do?
Tears gushed freely from his eyes as he reached the next memory, as they always did at the recollection; he could always wipe them away later, if he felt like it.
She had not been at any of her usual haunts that day, and no one he asked had seen her. That had been a little strange, but not overly much so. It was when he had returned home that he realized that she was gone. The Pokédex he had given her, his old one, was sitting on the doorstep, a note sticking out from the case. Tears he had shed had almost rendered the note illegible, but not before he had read what he needed.
“Waited too long. With someone else. Stay away for a while.” Cursed words that I will never forget.
There had been no anger at this mysterious stranger who had taken his girlfriend- his entire life- away. He had no one to blame but himself for the hole that had formed in his chest, wrenching his heart in two. Nothing was as painful as the sheer agony he had faced then, no amount of physical pain ever could be. Tempting as it had been to find her and try to win her back, he had decided against it. He would have done anything for her, anything except for proposing, and rather she see him as a coward and a fool than an obsessed ex.
He had spent one last sleepless night at home, and then taken to wandering. Walking, flying, riding, it was all the same. He just wanted to escape her; he just wanted to be alone with the excruciating pain that stabbed through him. His Pokémon had tried to help him, to comfort him, but they could not fathom why he could not just find another girl. Intelligent as they were, Pokémon could only understand part of his loss. They could grow attached to a particular mate, but anything could happen in their world. Whether by trading or natural predators, Pokémon had the ability to accept loss ingrained into their very being. But he was not a Pokémon, even though he had wished he was at the time. Not that they had not helped, but solitude was all he had wanted, all he still wanted.
Solitude… Is that really what I wanted? What I want now doesn’t matter; I can’t ever have what I want again. But would it have been different if I had sought others?
And then had come the rather inevitable wedding a couple years later: the final bullet in his heart. Proof that he would never get back together with her, extinguishing his faint hope like a smoldering coal dropped into an ocean of tears. He had taken to hiding as soon as he found out, not wanting to be invited. But, despite that, he had half hoped that she would try to find him to invite him anyway. He never found out if she did invite him, he gave little chance for an invitation to find him. That did not stop him from knowing the exact time of the wedding, however, and the approximate time of when he would die inside. Again.
The wedding had been, of course, in Viridian City, and he could not help passing through on his way to the place he would call home for the next ten years: Mt. Silver. He had even caught a glimpse of her-though she did not see him- dressed in white and looking like the angel she had been to him. He had stood there for a moment, half wanting to call out to her one last time. Then a trainer had recognized him, even in his unkempt and self-starved state. A hasty exit had been pivotal, then. He had not wanted to ruin the happiest day of her life, even if it was not him sharing it with her. Then he had moved on- but he never really moved on. He had run to Mt. Silver, but his heart still remained in the quagmire of lost love called Viridian City.
He thought that hole which had opened up inside of him a long time ago had been filled by the wandering and battling, but that was not so. The sight of her had re-opened it, bottomless as ever, and brought bile to his throat. Nothing he had done could fill the hole; nothing he could ever do would fill it. It would be there for eternity, serving as a reminder as to what he had lost, fresh and raw as when it had first appeared. Food had been like sludge and water like acid to his mouth. Necessity had forced him to eat, even though he had not wanted to. His eyes had held oceans of tears, now cried down to mere puddles.
Here his memory faded. Years of barely surviving- mostly starving- on the mountainside had blurred together, ignoring the boundaries of time. And finally, back to the one, final question that plagued his every thought, just as much as she did.
Why not step off? What else is there for you now, other than ghosts and sorrow?
He looked down into the abyss, white and seemingly bottomless. It would be so easy to release his Pokémon, then take the plunge. Why not? He could not think of a reason to keep going on. He wallowed in his pit of misery every waking moment, beyond even hating himself for it, beyond caring about anything other than his Pokémon not starving.
Taking Pika’s Poké Ball in his hand, Red prepared to toss it over his shoulder and drop his other Poké Balls to the ground with the other hand. Pika could release the other five once he was gone.
“Red! I’ve finally found you!”
For a second, his spirits soared, but then they plummeted again. The voice was a young boy’s: not anyone he knew or had known before he had started hiding. It was of no matter to him, then. The kid had to be tough, to have made it up to this point. Witnessing this probably would not shake him too badly for too long. But how could he be sure of that?
I’m already messed up, but can I really make someone else witness something that will haunt him forever?
“Red!” the boy called again. “I challenge you to a Pokémon battle!”
Haven’t heard that one in a while... I win, it’s over. I lose, I live.
Without turning around, Red expertly tossed Pika’s Poke Ball over his shoulder, giving the faintest shadow of a smile when he heard Pika’s battle cry retaliate to the fearsome roar of an Aggron. The deciding battle had begun.
He watched Aero fall from the sky. He watched the mound of snow plume into the air to join the other flakes as Aero crashed onto the ground. He watched the other trainer’s face light up as the battle ended. He would live.
But what would he live for? Yellow was still gone-- the world was still gone. No, as the snow encrusted his long, ragged hair in a clear, icy sheath, he realized that, again, he was a fool. The battle changed nothing, he still wanted to die. And now there was a trainer to take his Pokemon for him.
The frigid wind howled the mournful cry of his heart, screaming through the stony crevices, embracing Red as it danced into the sky. The blizzard would soon bury his body, and after that not even a Piloswine could find it. A frozen grave for a heart turned colder than every day of the ten years Red had stood on his perch.
It’s for the best, I can’t even battle anymore. Ten years without real practice, ten years of wasting away.
Red recalled Aero and clipped its Pokeball to his tattered, ragged belt. Then he slowly removed his belt and held it to his face, looking at his companions one last time. When the wind threatened to rip the belt from his hands, Red threw it at the other trainer, watching it land at the confused victor’s feet. With a small wave, Red turned around and waded through the waist-high snow-- waded towards his end. He could not feel the cold, and his ears were deaf to the symphony the blizzard created for his mission. Nothing mattered, save this final task. After it was complete, there would finally be nothing. He finally would have peace.
Behind Red, his opponent’s eyes grew wide, and he reached for his belt with a muttered curse.
Goodbye, Yellow. I still love you.
Red stepped off the edge. The wind rushed around him, cradling the falling trainer in its snowy hands, howling lament in his ears to mix with the broken cry from the plateau he had just left. Gray, white, gray, tumbling, spinning, a mix of color, never ending, but ending fast-- a flash of memories of when his emotions were the same as the world around him. Every last regret filled his stomach and tore the remaining shreds of his heart into confetti-- celebration of the end.
Time slowed to a crawl, as every accomplishment, every failure he had ever made soared through Red’s mind. Once again, tears cascaded from his eyes, sharp drops of pain as they froze instantly in the air-- the only beauty he created in a long time, a sparkling trail of misery.
Surprising, no rescue attempt. He did have a Dragonite. Did I make it faint? I don’t remember... Better this way, though.
Red hit the snow on the ground with a resounding thump and several ear-splitting cracks. As the trainer lay in the snow, quickly turning it the color of his namesake, he saw the wings of a Pokemon over him. But it had come too late. With a grim smile, he welcomed the pain that blossomed from every inch of his body-- finally something to wash away the waves of desolation that radiated from him every moment he lived. Sound quickly faded away, and his vision turned to black. Red did not see the Dragonite land next to him, nor did he see the trainer who jumped off, shouting his name at deaf ears. The sweet release of oblivion finally opened its arms, and Red leapt into them without a second thought.
* * *
“Where is he?”
She rushed into the lobby, her dress flying behind her, trying to catch up. The golden-haired, amber-eyed trainer who had captured Red’s heart so many years ago, frantic to see him again. The click of boots on linoleum crashed throughout the room as she ran to the receptionist; a steady flow of tears splashed from her eyes. A stumble, then a crash as she tripped and fell.
“I’m fine... just a little tired is all,” she said, ignoring the hands offered by worried nurses, jumping up and ready to run again. “I need to see Red.”
“But he’s in critical care, you can’t see him right now, you need to wai-” But she already was gone. A swinging pair of doors with "restricted access, employees only" stencilled across them were the only thing she left—that and the overwhelming feeling of bittersweet hope her presence invoked.
A few doors down, she found him, unconscious in a bed as white as the snow that had nearly ended his life. IV tubes were visible through the small window, trailing into his arms, their precious fluid flowing life back into his ravaged body. An armed guard stood outside the door, a fierce Arcanine was stationed beside its muscular trainer.
“No one may go in there except for the head surgeon. Not the champion, not the head of the Pokemon League, not the Viridian Gym Leader, not even you. Please do not argue.”
“I understand,” came the wistful response as she stared through the glass pane. The soft, incessant beep of the heart monitor was barely audible, nearly drowned by the thumping of her own heart.
As she sat, waiting outside of his door, she cast her mind back to that day. Turmoil had hidden in every corner of her body, torturing her at every opportunity. Writing the note, her hands screamed at her to stop, walking away her legs rebelled against her, buckling multiple times. A trail in the dirt, formed by her tears, showed which way she had gone before finally calling out her Butterfree and flying away. Memories reached up for her as she passed over Viridian city to ensnare her heart and pull her back, but as they pulled her in, they also pushed her away. He was in every part of the city, and she was fleeing him.
Why? Why did I leave? I should’ve been more direct... Stupid! He always made me shy...
The flight to Vermillion to catch the ferry had been nerve-wracking. She had expected him to find her, to talk her out of leaving-- she had wanted that more than anything. But he had not, and she had made her journey uninterrupted. To Green’s house, on the Sevii islands, she would keep a secret and provide shelter. Her heart, torn to shreds by her own actions, was nearly spirited away on the high-speed ferry. The salty spray misted her face, hiding her unstemmed tears.
“Get there and it’ll be ok”. My mantra, my lie. What’s the use of being in-tune with Pokemon’s emotions? I can’t get my own straight...
Green had been as caring as expected, listening calmly as she bawled her eyes out. Regret struck as a late lunch was served, joining forces with her lack of appetite to render the food tasteless. After being shown her room, she had collapsed on the bed, wailing into the pillow. She wanted to take it back, but it was too late. She had already decided, and her pride wouldn’t let her return.
Of all the stupid reasons. The stupid, selfish... I don’t even know what. It was the stupidest thing I’ve ever done.
The cycle had continued all that week, with an attempt to call him after that-- but he had not picked up. Green didn’t leave her side, always being understanding, comforting, but to no avail. She had made her choice, but it had ripped her heart from her chest. After another week passed, she was defeated. It was time to call him and beg him to take her back, she couldn’t bear life without him.
But he couldn’t be found. Nothing had changed, nothing was missing, except for him and the six Pokemon he had with him. A search party was formed, the strongest trainers who could be found to go everywhere, flyers were posted, and soon it seemed that the world knew about the Champion’s disappearance. But time went on, and he was never found. She knew that it was her fault, and that nearly killed her.
Her days melded together, turned into a ritual of eating and sleeping and the time in-between. After many months of care, from her Pokemon and her friends, she finally started to live again. The days turned less bleak, her hours weren’t spent wishing for oblivion. She even met a man who she began to love, although it could never rival her affection for him, which she never let die.
Gradually, the searches for him died down, with the conclusion that if he did not want to be found, nobody would find him. He could fend for himself, he wasn’t the strongest trainer alive for nothing. She still longed for his return, but she assumed that he had probably moved on, just as she had been trying to.
Another year and a half later, the proposal came. Her love had wilted like a flower, withering away, but she said yes anyway. She refused to break another heart, to hurt another man how she was sure she hurt him. All too quickly, after a blizzard of planning, that day came, and she was left frozen in a dress symbolizing more purity than she felt. On the streets of Viridian again, her hometown, her prison, the place of her marriage. She was only hours away from what was supposed to be the happiest moment of her life. Except it was with the wrong man.
She forced a smile for her friends, faking a happiness greater than theirs as they congratulated her. Tears flowed from their eyes, oh-so different from the tears that flowed from her own-- tears cried for an emotion she wished she had. A commotion from behind drew her attention, and she turned just in time to see an Aerodactyl fly off, a figure crouched on its back. Later some said it was bedraggled and weather-worn. Her heart had flown away with the giant Pokemon, and she had wondered how she could go through with a pledge for the rest of her life.
Thank goodness he was better than me... that he noticed that day, telling me that he wouldn’t force me into anything-- that he let me go.
Once again, departure from Viridian had been imminent. He had been on that Aerodactyl, he had moved on, yet she had not-- she couldn’t. Ten long years of faking smiles, moments of true happiness splashed across the pages, she never forgot. Wishful memories of what they could have been danced through her mind every day, scene after scene playing out before her.
And then today came, made of dreams turned reality, distorted almost beyond recognition. He was found-- Red was home. She had dreamed it would be a happy occasion, but darkness plagued the event. As soon as the news had reached her, she had traveled by any means available from Vermillion to Viridian-- she could almost see the legendary Giratina over the hospital, waiting to receive the soul of the man who met his violent end.
But then it appeared, or maybe it was a he. Strife-bringer, versatile, healed, vanished, Deoxys. With a simple motion, it, he, had invited her to commune with it. Reaching out a hand, Yellow read the Pokemon’s thoughts, its presence filling her mind once again-- familiarity filled her, as well as longing for the happier time. And then Deoxys spoke.
“As he protected and saved me, so I have protected and saved my kin for many years. My debt is paid, I depart leaving him with you.”
Tears flooded her cheeks, cascading streams of agony as the psychic Pokemon’s memories were shared-- a vigilant guard who had captured every moment of pain Red had endured in its mind. Responsibility crushed her as it slammed her heart to the ground. The overwhelming feeling of guilt conquered every other emotion, extinguishing every shred of happiness as it consumed her.
Paralyzed, she had almost missed her chance. A final request, as a boon to her. Simply that Deoxys find Entei and beg him to come and heal Red on Yellow’s behalf. One nod, and then the Pokemon vanished, as did she. Away to the hospital, to finally see him again-- to what end remained shrouded by doubt and uncertainty.
The pure agony told Red he was alive when he awoke. Pounding through his veins, it coursed through him with a torrid heat, but he did not flinch. Physical pain was nothing compared to the mental anguish of failure, reinforced by every beat of his heart, every noise the heart monitor made. While the bed was warm, he felt nothing but the cold shard of failure lodged in his mind. He failed at love, he failed at battling, and then he failed at the simple task of dying.
That has to be a new record, I failed at life, then I failed at death...
A doctor entered the room, immediately asking questions-- pointless things for those destined to live. He stayed as silent as the rock he jumped from, as cold as the snow he landed in. At the push of a button an IV fed a clear liquid into Red’s arm, which banished the physical pain, but the mental aspect continued to war against him.
The pointless words continued to flow out of the doctor’s mouth, ignored as every other was. Red did not reply, maybe after so many years he could not, but the end result was the same-- silence. Finally, the doctor ceased his babble and concentrated solely on the examination. He quickly finished his work and stepped out the door, pausing only to speak to someone on his way out. And then that someone stepped into the room.
Rapid beeping replaced the placid pattern that had filled the room before. The woman in the doorway looked down, as shy as she had been as a little girl as Red stared at her. Tension filled the air as she slowly walked in, smothering, palpable, strangling. He, covered in bandages and wires, she, tall, elegant, just as he knew she would be, only different. Her face, once youthful and vibrant was drawn and slightly hollowed. Haunted.
“Red... I...” she stuttered quietly. She paced around the room, a nervous animal ready to bolt. “I was wrong, I should never have left you...” She halted, her speech slow and deliberate. Every word stumbled off of her tongue, every syllable an effort. “I’m sorry will never reconcile us, I’m sure, but I am so deeply sorry. No excuses from me, no ‘well, this happened later’. My actions... my actions were my own, with no excuse for what I did. I can only beg your forgiveness...”
Tears trailing down her cheeks, Yellow took a breath, and then added something else. “And Red...? I... I still love you.”
Silence fell on the room, thick as the sorrow held within the two. Long minutes passed, pregnant with the innumerable possibilities Red could respond with. Yellow stared at her boots, hands clutched behind her back, more tears than she realized she had spilling out onto the floor. Then slowly, haltingly, using words for the first time since he had put them away long ago, Red spoke.
“F-for so... long. I... I hid. Thought you mo-moved on,” he said, bitterness singing a duet with sorrow. As he spoke, memories flooded back, a flood after being locked away for so long. “I n-never did. It’s... cruel. To offer me a way b-back, but I have no p-place.... here or... anywhere anymore. No g-good at anything, now.”
“But Red...”
“No. Please. I... I need to go think. Away from people. I need to go back to where I was.”
Yellow stiffened, terror, suspicion, apprehension, they all screamed at her: no no no no NO! Her heart had accelerated, but she tried to keep a calm exterior as she spoke. “Red, you can’t go back there alone. You know why.”
“I need to... just to think things over.”
She started to protest again, but he stopped her.
“I’ll be back, I promise.”
It's been a while, hasn't it? A couple years back, Luc EX ran a fan fiction contest, if anyone remembers, or even reads this. My first round entry, Plagued, won the round and I had assumed it would just be that, a one-shot. Well, it's a small chapter story now and has been growing slowly over these two years. Figured I might as well post it here, because why not? Constructive reviews would be helpful if given.
Anyway, I'll spread this out somewhat, depending on when I get around to posting it. Enjoy~
Chapter 1- This post
Chapter 2- This post
Chapter 3- Post #2
Chapter 4- Post #3
Chapter 5- Post #4
Chapter 6- Post #4
Chapter 7 (last chapter)- Post #5
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Plagued
The harsh wind bit at his exposed skin, cold as his heart. Why had he let his fear get in the way? The snow had piled up around him, threatening to rise over his knees, but he did not care. He had come here to this Arceus-forsaken mountain with the hope that throwing himself into near-constant battle with its territorial wild Pokémon would take his mind off of her; that or it would kill him. Disappointingly, neither had happened so far. She still entered his every thought, ghostly images of her lurked in every shadow; her laughter was an eternal burden on his heart. And then there was the other question...
He knew that he had loved her then, and that fire had not quite been snuffed yet. His heart had started fluttering at the sight of her just after that fateful encounter with Celebi, when her true gender had finally been revealed to him. Other people had told him that it was silly- stupid, even- to say that he was in love with a twelve-year-old girl when he was only fourteen himself, but he had ignored them. Their opinions meant nothing to him; he knew what he felt better than they did.
Every moment spent in her presence from then on had brought a smile to his face and delight into his heart. She had been the light in his otherwise gray and routine life, and he had told her as such; the words had made her hide her face and blush. The color faded from his world when she was not with him, only to flare back into existence all the more vibrant when he got to spend time with her again. Together they had kept this a secret from everyone else for years, not wanting their fragile love to be shattered by the harsh truth of reality, subconsciously realizing that it would be if exposed.
I shielded her from everything. Is that partly why she left? Because I was so over-protective, then I didn’t do it?
With great care, the fact that they were together was kept in silence, although their attraction for each other shone through to the world; that was an impossible secret to keep. Waves of calamity in the form of power-hungry villains had tried to sweep them into oblivion, mercilessly breaking on them both, threatening to drag them into the void. But they had always overcome their obstacles, sometimes with the help of others. Others who understood what they had together. The same others who did not understand why he let her go. He was still wondering that himself.
How could I have been so stupid?
Their late teen years had been paradise- peaceful and pure, utter bliss with a twist of ecstasy. Then there had been their early twenties. She had been leaving hints that she wanted to be more than what they were. He had, like a fool, shushed her every time, saying that they had all the time in the world. Hindsight allowed him to see that while he had had all the time in the world, she had not. He had acted content, but the reality had been that the thought of progressing paralyzed him. He, the champion of the Pokémon League, the conqueror of Team Rocket, the “fearless battler”, had become petrified as the stone he had once been when confronted with four little words.
Why did he torture himself like this, standing in the freezing cold, remembering the story he so desperately wanted to forget? Was there still some false hope that she would come back to him, despite everything? Or was he punishing himself for what he had failed to do?
Tears gushed freely from his eyes as he reached the next memory, as they always did at the recollection; he could always wipe them away later, if he felt like it.
She had not been at any of her usual haunts that day, and no one he asked had seen her. That had been a little strange, but not overly much so. It was when he had returned home that he realized that she was gone. The Pokédex he had given her, his old one, was sitting on the doorstep, a note sticking out from the case. Tears he had shed had almost rendered the note illegible, but not before he had read what he needed.
“Waited too long. With someone else. Stay away for a while.” Cursed words that I will never forget.
There had been no anger at this mysterious stranger who had taken his girlfriend- his entire life- away. He had no one to blame but himself for the hole that had formed in his chest, wrenching his heart in two. Nothing was as painful as the sheer agony he had faced then, no amount of physical pain ever could be. Tempting as it had been to find her and try to win her back, he had decided against it. He would have done anything for her, anything except for proposing, and rather she see him as a coward and a fool than an obsessed ex.
He had spent one last sleepless night at home, and then taken to wandering. Walking, flying, riding, it was all the same. He just wanted to escape her; he just wanted to be alone with the excruciating pain that stabbed through him. His Pokémon had tried to help him, to comfort him, but they could not fathom why he could not just find another girl. Intelligent as they were, Pokémon could only understand part of his loss. They could grow attached to a particular mate, but anything could happen in their world. Whether by trading or natural predators, Pokémon had the ability to accept loss ingrained into their very being. But he was not a Pokémon, even though he had wished he was at the time. Not that they had not helped, but solitude was all he had wanted, all he still wanted.
Solitude… Is that really what I wanted? What I want now doesn’t matter; I can’t ever have what I want again. But would it have been different if I had sought others?
And then had come the rather inevitable wedding a couple years later: the final bullet in his heart. Proof that he would never get back together with her, extinguishing his faint hope like a smoldering coal dropped into an ocean of tears. He had taken to hiding as soon as he found out, not wanting to be invited. But, despite that, he had half hoped that she would try to find him to invite him anyway. He never found out if she did invite him, he gave little chance for an invitation to find him. That did not stop him from knowing the exact time of the wedding, however, and the approximate time of when he would die inside. Again.
The wedding had been, of course, in Viridian City, and he could not help passing through on his way to the place he would call home for the next ten years: Mt. Silver. He had even caught a glimpse of her-though she did not see him- dressed in white and looking like the angel she had been to him. He had stood there for a moment, half wanting to call out to her one last time. Then a trainer had recognized him, even in his unkempt and self-starved state. A hasty exit had been pivotal, then. He had not wanted to ruin the happiest day of her life, even if it was not him sharing it with her. Then he had moved on- but he never really moved on. He had run to Mt. Silver, but his heart still remained in the quagmire of lost love called Viridian City.
He thought that hole which had opened up inside of him a long time ago had been filled by the wandering and battling, but that was not so. The sight of her had re-opened it, bottomless as ever, and brought bile to his throat. Nothing he had done could fill the hole; nothing he could ever do would fill it. It would be there for eternity, serving as a reminder as to what he had lost, fresh and raw as when it had first appeared. Food had been like sludge and water like acid to his mouth. Necessity had forced him to eat, even though he had not wanted to. His eyes had held oceans of tears, now cried down to mere puddles.
Here his memory faded. Years of barely surviving- mostly starving- on the mountainside had blurred together, ignoring the boundaries of time. And finally, back to the one, final question that plagued his every thought, just as much as she did.
Why not step off? What else is there for you now, other than ghosts and sorrow?
He looked down into the abyss, white and seemingly bottomless. It would be so easy to release his Pokémon, then take the plunge. Why not? He could not think of a reason to keep going on. He wallowed in his pit of misery every waking moment, beyond even hating himself for it, beyond caring about anything other than his Pokémon not starving.
Taking Pika’s Poké Ball in his hand, Red prepared to toss it over his shoulder and drop his other Poké Balls to the ground with the other hand. Pika could release the other five once he was gone.
“Red! I’ve finally found you!”
For a second, his spirits soared, but then they plummeted again. The voice was a young boy’s: not anyone he knew or had known before he had started hiding. It was of no matter to him, then. The kid had to be tough, to have made it up to this point. Witnessing this probably would not shake him too badly for too long. But how could he be sure of that?
I’m already messed up, but can I really make someone else witness something that will haunt him forever?
“Red!” the boy called again. “I challenge you to a Pokémon battle!”
Haven’t heard that one in a while... I win, it’s over. I lose, I live.
Without turning around, Red expertly tossed Pika’s Poke Ball over his shoulder, giving the faintest shadow of a smile when he heard Pika’s battle cry retaliate to the fearsome roar of an Aggron. The deciding battle had begun.
Chapter 2
Haunted
Haunted
He watched Aero fall from the sky. He watched the mound of snow plume into the air to join the other flakes as Aero crashed onto the ground. He watched the other trainer’s face light up as the battle ended. He would live.
But what would he live for? Yellow was still gone-- the world was still gone. No, as the snow encrusted his long, ragged hair in a clear, icy sheath, he realized that, again, he was a fool. The battle changed nothing, he still wanted to die. And now there was a trainer to take his Pokemon for him.
The frigid wind howled the mournful cry of his heart, screaming through the stony crevices, embracing Red as it danced into the sky. The blizzard would soon bury his body, and after that not even a Piloswine could find it. A frozen grave for a heart turned colder than every day of the ten years Red had stood on his perch.
It’s for the best, I can’t even battle anymore. Ten years without real practice, ten years of wasting away.
Red recalled Aero and clipped its Pokeball to his tattered, ragged belt. Then he slowly removed his belt and held it to his face, looking at his companions one last time. When the wind threatened to rip the belt from his hands, Red threw it at the other trainer, watching it land at the confused victor’s feet. With a small wave, Red turned around and waded through the waist-high snow-- waded towards his end. He could not feel the cold, and his ears were deaf to the symphony the blizzard created for his mission. Nothing mattered, save this final task. After it was complete, there would finally be nothing. He finally would have peace.
Behind Red, his opponent’s eyes grew wide, and he reached for his belt with a muttered curse.
Goodbye, Yellow. I still love you.
Red stepped off the edge. The wind rushed around him, cradling the falling trainer in its snowy hands, howling lament in his ears to mix with the broken cry from the plateau he had just left. Gray, white, gray, tumbling, spinning, a mix of color, never ending, but ending fast-- a flash of memories of when his emotions were the same as the world around him. Every last regret filled his stomach and tore the remaining shreds of his heart into confetti-- celebration of the end.
Time slowed to a crawl, as every accomplishment, every failure he had ever made soared through Red’s mind. Once again, tears cascaded from his eyes, sharp drops of pain as they froze instantly in the air-- the only beauty he created in a long time, a sparkling trail of misery.
Surprising, no rescue attempt. He did have a Dragonite. Did I make it faint? I don’t remember... Better this way, though.
Red hit the snow on the ground with a resounding thump and several ear-splitting cracks. As the trainer lay in the snow, quickly turning it the color of his namesake, he saw the wings of a Pokemon over him. But it had come too late. With a grim smile, he welcomed the pain that blossomed from every inch of his body-- finally something to wash away the waves of desolation that radiated from him every moment he lived. Sound quickly faded away, and his vision turned to black. Red did not see the Dragonite land next to him, nor did he see the trainer who jumped off, shouting his name at deaf ears. The sweet release of oblivion finally opened its arms, and Red leapt into them without a second thought.
* * *
“Where is he?”
She rushed into the lobby, her dress flying behind her, trying to catch up. The golden-haired, amber-eyed trainer who had captured Red’s heart so many years ago, frantic to see him again. The click of boots on linoleum crashed throughout the room as she ran to the receptionist; a steady flow of tears splashed from her eyes. A stumble, then a crash as she tripped and fell.
“I’m fine... just a little tired is all,” she said, ignoring the hands offered by worried nurses, jumping up and ready to run again. “I need to see Red.”
“But he’s in critical care, you can’t see him right now, you need to wai-” But she already was gone. A swinging pair of doors with "restricted access, employees only" stencilled across them were the only thing she left—that and the overwhelming feeling of bittersweet hope her presence invoked.
A few doors down, she found him, unconscious in a bed as white as the snow that had nearly ended his life. IV tubes were visible through the small window, trailing into his arms, their precious fluid flowing life back into his ravaged body. An armed guard stood outside the door, a fierce Arcanine was stationed beside its muscular trainer.
“No one may go in there except for the head surgeon. Not the champion, not the head of the Pokemon League, not the Viridian Gym Leader, not even you. Please do not argue.”
“I understand,” came the wistful response as she stared through the glass pane. The soft, incessant beep of the heart monitor was barely audible, nearly drowned by the thumping of her own heart.
* * *
As she sat, waiting outside of his door, she cast her mind back to that day. Turmoil had hidden in every corner of her body, torturing her at every opportunity. Writing the note, her hands screamed at her to stop, walking away her legs rebelled against her, buckling multiple times. A trail in the dirt, formed by her tears, showed which way she had gone before finally calling out her Butterfree and flying away. Memories reached up for her as she passed over Viridian city to ensnare her heart and pull her back, but as they pulled her in, they also pushed her away. He was in every part of the city, and she was fleeing him.
Why? Why did I leave? I should’ve been more direct... Stupid! He always made me shy...
The flight to Vermillion to catch the ferry had been nerve-wracking. She had expected him to find her, to talk her out of leaving-- she had wanted that more than anything. But he had not, and she had made her journey uninterrupted. To Green’s house, on the Sevii islands, she would keep a secret and provide shelter. Her heart, torn to shreds by her own actions, was nearly spirited away on the high-speed ferry. The salty spray misted her face, hiding her unstemmed tears.
“Get there and it’ll be ok”. My mantra, my lie. What’s the use of being in-tune with Pokemon’s emotions? I can’t get my own straight...
Green had been as caring as expected, listening calmly as she bawled her eyes out. Regret struck as a late lunch was served, joining forces with her lack of appetite to render the food tasteless. After being shown her room, she had collapsed on the bed, wailing into the pillow. She wanted to take it back, but it was too late. She had already decided, and her pride wouldn’t let her return.
Of all the stupid reasons. The stupid, selfish... I don’t even know what. It was the stupidest thing I’ve ever done.
The cycle had continued all that week, with an attempt to call him after that-- but he had not picked up. Green didn’t leave her side, always being understanding, comforting, but to no avail. She had made her choice, but it had ripped her heart from her chest. After another week passed, she was defeated. It was time to call him and beg him to take her back, she couldn’t bear life without him.
But he couldn’t be found. Nothing had changed, nothing was missing, except for him and the six Pokemon he had with him. A search party was formed, the strongest trainers who could be found to go everywhere, flyers were posted, and soon it seemed that the world knew about the Champion’s disappearance. But time went on, and he was never found. She knew that it was her fault, and that nearly killed her.
Her days melded together, turned into a ritual of eating and sleeping and the time in-between. After many months of care, from her Pokemon and her friends, she finally started to live again. The days turned less bleak, her hours weren’t spent wishing for oblivion. She even met a man who she began to love, although it could never rival her affection for him, which she never let die.
Gradually, the searches for him died down, with the conclusion that if he did not want to be found, nobody would find him. He could fend for himself, he wasn’t the strongest trainer alive for nothing. She still longed for his return, but she assumed that he had probably moved on, just as she had been trying to.
Another year and a half later, the proposal came. Her love had wilted like a flower, withering away, but she said yes anyway. She refused to break another heart, to hurt another man how she was sure she hurt him. All too quickly, after a blizzard of planning, that day came, and she was left frozen in a dress symbolizing more purity than she felt. On the streets of Viridian again, her hometown, her prison, the place of her marriage. She was only hours away from what was supposed to be the happiest moment of her life. Except it was with the wrong man.
She forced a smile for her friends, faking a happiness greater than theirs as they congratulated her. Tears flowed from their eyes, oh-so different from the tears that flowed from her own-- tears cried for an emotion she wished she had. A commotion from behind drew her attention, and she turned just in time to see an Aerodactyl fly off, a figure crouched on its back. Later some said it was bedraggled and weather-worn. Her heart had flown away with the giant Pokemon, and she had wondered how she could go through with a pledge for the rest of her life.
Thank goodness he was better than me... that he noticed that day, telling me that he wouldn’t force me into anything-- that he let me go.
Once again, departure from Viridian had been imminent. He had been on that Aerodactyl, he had moved on, yet she had not-- she couldn’t. Ten long years of faking smiles, moments of true happiness splashed across the pages, she never forgot. Wishful memories of what they could have been danced through her mind every day, scene after scene playing out before her.
And then today came, made of dreams turned reality, distorted almost beyond recognition. He was found-- Red was home. She had dreamed it would be a happy occasion, but darkness plagued the event. As soon as the news had reached her, she had traveled by any means available from Vermillion to Viridian-- she could almost see the legendary Giratina over the hospital, waiting to receive the soul of the man who met his violent end.
But then it appeared, or maybe it was a he. Strife-bringer, versatile, healed, vanished, Deoxys. With a simple motion, it, he, had invited her to commune with it. Reaching out a hand, Yellow read the Pokemon’s thoughts, its presence filling her mind once again-- familiarity filled her, as well as longing for the happier time. And then Deoxys spoke.
“As he protected and saved me, so I have protected and saved my kin for many years. My debt is paid, I depart leaving him with you.”
Tears flooded her cheeks, cascading streams of agony as the psychic Pokemon’s memories were shared-- a vigilant guard who had captured every moment of pain Red had endured in its mind. Responsibility crushed her as it slammed her heart to the ground. The overwhelming feeling of guilt conquered every other emotion, extinguishing every shred of happiness as it consumed her.
Paralyzed, she had almost missed her chance. A final request, as a boon to her. Simply that Deoxys find Entei and beg him to come and heal Red on Yellow’s behalf. One nod, and then the Pokemon vanished, as did she. Away to the hospital, to finally see him again-- to what end remained shrouded by doubt and uncertainty.
* * *
The pure agony told Red he was alive when he awoke. Pounding through his veins, it coursed through him with a torrid heat, but he did not flinch. Physical pain was nothing compared to the mental anguish of failure, reinforced by every beat of his heart, every noise the heart monitor made. While the bed was warm, he felt nothing but the cold shard of failure lodged in his mind. He failed at love, he failed at battling, and then he failed at the simple task of dying.
That has to be a new record, I failed at life, then I failed at death...
A doctor entered the room, immediately asking questions-- pointless things for those destined to live. He stayed as silent as the rock he jumped from, as cold as the snow he landed in. At the push of a button an IV fed a clear liquid into Red’s arm, which banished the physical pain, but the mental aspect continued to war against him.
The pointless words continued to flow out of the doctor’s mouth, ignored as every other was. Red did not reply, maybe after so many years he could not, but the end result was the same-- silence. Finally, the doctor ceased his babble and concentrated solely on the examination. He quickly finished his work and stepped out the door, pausing only to speak to someone on his way out. And then that someone stepped into the room.
Rapid beeping replaced the placid pattern that had filled the room before. The woman in the doorway looked down, as shy as she had been as a little girl as Red stared at her. Tension filled the air as she slowly walked in, smothering, palpable, strangling. He, covered in bandages and wires, she, tall, elegant, just as he knew she would be, only different. Her face, once youthful and vibrant was drawn and slightly hollowed. Haunted.
“Red... I...” she stuttered quietly. She paced around the room, a nervous animal ready to bolt. “I was wrong, I should never have left you...” She halted, her speech slow and deliberate. Every word stumbled off of her tongue, every syllable an effort. “I’m sorry will never reconcile us, I’m sure, but I am so deeply sorry. No excuses from me, no ‘well, this happened later’. My actions... my actions were my own, with no excuse for what I did. I can only beg your forgiveness...”
Tears trailing down her cheeks, Yellow took a breath, and then added something else. “And Red...? I... I still love you.”
Silence fell on the room, thick as the sorrow held within the two. Long minutes passed, pregnant with the innumerable possibilities Red could respond with. Yellow stared at her boots, hands clutched behind her back, more tears than she realized she had spilling out onto the floor. Then slowly, haltingly, using words for the first time since he had put them away long ago, Red spoke.
“F-for so... long. I... I hid. Thought you mo-moved on,” he said, bitterness singing a duet with sorrow. As he spoke, memories flooded back, a flood after being locked away for so long. “I n-never did. It’s... cruel. To offer me a way b-back, but I have no p-place.... here or... anywhere anymore. No g-good at anything, now.”
“But Red...”
“No. Please. I... I need to go think. Away from people. I need to go back to where I was.”
Yellow stiffened, terror, suspicion, apprehension, they all screamed at her: no no no no NO! Her heart had accelerated, but she tried to keep a calm exterior as she spoke. “Red, you can’t go back there alone. You know why.”
“I need to... just to think things over.”
She started to protest again, but he stopped her.
“I’ll be back, I promise.”
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