The Breath of a Master

Discussion in 'Pokemon Fan Fiction' started by EsPeOnEX, Dec 7, 2003.

  1. EsPeOnEX

    EsPeOnEX New Member

    Chapter 1 SageBrush Ville
    My story begins as i wake up to a very innoing dodrio call,"awww man morning already" with a couple of moans and groans i get up to see a room that i see everyday with toys and pokemon pictures all over the place. The sun just barely rising and its beams shining through my window by my bedside. I walk towards the door stepping on dirty clothes and moldy plates from a couple nights ago and i open the door. i take a quick glance at the clock, 6:30, and walk down the hallway and into the bathroom. I look into the mirror to see me an average sized 12 year old boy with black hair and brown eyes. Ever since my father became the gym leader for a near by town called Mt Ridge my dream was to become a master trainer and beat my father in a pokemon battle. The town in which i reside in is a very peaceful town called SageBrush Ville, a cozy little town with not alot of crime. And down the road from this quite town is a large lake called Dreams Lake. I splash some water onto my face and wipe my eyes to remember something very important "I get my first pokemon tommorow!!!!" Excited he runs out of the bathroom and into his room but before he can even close the door to his bedroom his mother calls "TROY!!! Are you awake yet?" "yes Mom" i replie " then come down stairs. I walk down the stairs to see my moms mad face, every one should know what this looks like. "did you clean your room like i asked?" She stares at me right in the eye. "ummmm...not yet...but i will..promise!" i said quickly. "im not going to let you go on your pokemon journey with your room messy, now you get up there and clean it...NOW!!! i run upstairs and into my bedroom. I close the door and think to my self "hmmm which pokemon should i choose," totally ignoring my moms threat "Wait, i dont even know what pokemon i get to choose from!!" I run out of my bedroom only to here my mom yell "you better not go out of that room young man unless its spotless!" "errrr why does she have to be like that hmmm" i say to myself. While thinking about which pokemon to choose from i begin to clean up my room, well, actually its not cleaning its more of shoving it under your bed and pushing it into my closet. i throw on some old blue jeans a dirty green shirt and an old red cap. when finished i run out of my room yelling "rooms finished mom goin to the professors!!" i get my shoes on and run out the door. She said something to me but i was in to much of a rush to hear her. I run inside Professor Remms office, noticing the beakers and testubes and the messof books with papers falling out. i see the professor sitting so i go up behind him and tap him on te shoulder. "AHHHHH" the professor screams as he flys out of his chair and onto a pile of papers which fly up as he lands on top of them. "oops sorry professor, are you okay?" i ask him "yes troy im fine, Jus knock next time so..." he cleans himself off "why did you come?" " i wanted to know which pokemon i get to choose from?" "ok come with me," i follow the professor into an even messier room to find a table with three pokeballs ontop of it "these are the pokemon" He picks up a pokeball and releases the pokemon from inside. out from the light is a little blue ball bouncing . "this is a Azurill" the professor states. "Azu, Azu, Azu, AZUUUU!!" "this one sure has a lot of energy" i say watching it bounce around the room. "return," a red beam quikly shoots out of the pokeball and it returns to its pokeball " maybe a little to much energy" i add. "now for the next"the Prof. says. From the next beam of light shows a little pokemon with green and white all over it and a tiny red horn on its head. "ralts?" "this is a Ralts" said the professor. "RALTS" the little guy runs behind the professor. "return" the red beam from the pokeball hits the ralts and is gone in an instant. "he was a little afraid dont you think." i say, still pondering on which pokemon was better. "now for the last one" he picks up the pokeball and out of it comes a muscular brown thing "machop!" it runs at me full speed with its hands up ready to attack "ahhhhhh" i yell."this is a machop, a very agressive one at that" im still runnin as the machop knocks down book case after book case "return it!!! return it!!!!" i scream . "return," the light captures th pokemon before it could hurt me. "HAHAHAHA" the professor falls on the floor laughing. "im glad...you..were...enjoying it..." I say panting "but...at least...i...don have to clean it up..." The professor stops laughing and looks around. "AHHHH" the papers falling off the tables and the shelves knocked down "well i guess i will be going" catching my breath i walk out.
    "the profssor jus sitting there blankly. "bye" i leave but when i open the door i see the most beautiful girl i have ever seen her raven hair and beautiful brown eyes and sweet scent. "oh, hi..."her sweet voice says. "...hi...ummm...."i say trying to get words to come out of my mouth. "ummm...my name is christine..."she says. "ummm..my name is...T-roy..yah..heh" i say trying to remember my name. "well its nice to meet you T-roy haha" her laugh as beautiful as she is. "soo i guess i will see you later" i said "ok, umm...bye" she walked inside the professors office and i stood there looking at the door.
     
  2. EsPeOnEX

    EsPeOnEX New Member

    why no replys? do you think any one can tell me how my story is? any help is apreciated.
    thanx
    troy
     
  3. mysterioustrainer

    mysterioustrainer New Member

    Try to work to put in more detail and make paragraphs if you don't mind. Use a word processing program like Microsoft Word to make sure grammer and spelling is decent. The story overall went by way to fast, and it felt too rushy to get on to the next scene, also not a whole lot happen so you have to put more story into the story. Keep at it though.
     

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