Pokémon TCG: Sword and Shield—Brilliant Stars

celebi wisperer

Xuii2-the-cleric

New Member
ok this is my first ever piece of pokemon writing
it is abot a young boy named nathanial and his gastly
ill try to get a chapter a week
so here it is
thanx for reading
Celebi Whisperer


Prologue

There once was a young boy named Nathanial. He lived with his very old grandmother Joy. She had told him many stories about the great Celebi. She told him “with the lightest touch he could purify water.” Nathanial loved his grandmother’s stories. He even dreamt about them him at night. One night there was a horrible storm. The tree flung in the breeze, back and forth. Nathanial got very scared he thought there was a Raikou outside. His grandmother told him a story about Celebi and Nathanial fell silently asleep. In the morning he woke up. He felt like something was missing. Nathanial was right something was missing… his grandmother!


Chapter One

Nathanial searched everywhere, but Joy was nowhere to be seen. Nathanial went to the police, but they thought he was crazy. Struck with grief he ran to the pure water pound. “Where are you Grandma Joy I need you.” With his knees up to his face he sobbed. Late at night he went back to his grandmother’s cottage. He laid there curled up into a ball until he faded asleep. He was asleep many hours. Finally he went back to the pond. Again and again, day after day he called for his dear grandmother to come back. For many months he kept calling, but she never came back. After about 3 months he decided to leave and get his first Pokémon. He traveled many days, sleeping in ditches. He finally reached proffer Oak’s lab. He walked in covered in mud. “Proffer Oak, Proffer Oak.” He called in.
“Yes I’m here. Can you please wait a second, I’ll be right there.” Replied Proffer Oak. “Ok how may I help you young man?” “I really want my first Pokémon, so I can save my grandmother.” Nate answered. “Ok let’s see…. Wait save your grandmother. What happened?” I fell asleep one night and when I woke up she was gone.” “Oh you pour boy. When did this happen?” “About 3 months and a week ago.” Cried Nathanial. “I’ll give you your first pokemon then. Here take my Gastly. Gastly is a ghost Pokémon with many special abilities, and great attacks. Right now his attacks are smog and hypnosis. His ability is levitate, which means he can’t be affected by ground Pokémon.” “That sounds so cool.” Clapped Nathanial. (Proffer Oak hands the Gastly to Nate.)(He holds the pokeball in his hands like the Holy Grail) “Thank you so much proffer!” “You are very welcome Nathanial.” Said the proffer. (Nate left the lab happily.) (Proffer Oak remembers that he forgot to give Nate the PokeDex, he darts out of the lab and caches up to Nate.) “Nate I forgot to give you your PokeDex, it will help you on your journey.” (Nate takes the PokeDex, takes a look at it, and put it in his pants pocket.) “Thank you again proffer.” “No problem for a young boy like you.” (Nate starts walking into the horizon.)
 
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Okay, looks,,, okay, for a beginning writer. I have to point out that Professor Oak wouldn't give away his best Pokémon to a random kid who claims that his grandma is missing.
 
Yes, but giving up his most powerful Pokémon is a bit impulsive and risky, as he is not sure if Nathaniel is telling the truth or not. And I doubt that Oak's most powerful Pokémon is a Gastly. It would make more sense, I think, if he just gave Nathaniel Gastly as a "special" starter Pokémon.
 
Break it up a little bit more. Line breaks whenever a new person talks. Line break between completed thoughts. It makes it much easier to read than OMGWTLBBQWALLOTEXTOMGBBQ.
 
Also, why is "Professor" spelled "Proffer"? And why would the police think that he's crazy? And if he lives alone for more then 3 months, wouldn't someone notice? Unless he lives in the middle of nowhere, someone would notice that he's alone. And one more thing for now. Celebi isn't the Pokemon that can purify water. The Pokemon that can do that is Suicune.

Gold: This Pokémon wanders across time. Grass and trees flourish in the forests in which it has appeared.
Silver: When Celebi disappears deep in a forest, it is said to leave behind an egg from the future.
Crystal: Revered as a guardian of the forest, Celebi appears wherever beautiful forests exist
Emerald This POKéMON came from the future by crossing over time. It is thought that so long as CELEBI appears, a bright and shining future awaits us.
Leaf Green This POKéMON wanders across time. Grass and trees flourish in the forests in which it has appeared.
It has the power to travel across time, but it is said to appear only in peaceful times.

Those are the Pokedex entries for Celebi. I might post back later, but not now.
 
Oh, yeah, Suicune can purify water, but not Celebi. Celebi travels through time. Maybe his grandma was just a bit crazy.

You've improved the Gastly part, but there's one thing: Gastly can't learn Smog. Try Lick instead.
 
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