MegaVelocibot
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- Thread starter MegaVelocibot
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I quite this story in parts, but others seem a bit basic.
I loved the line about Wooper trying to climb on top of Commodore. 'anatomically lacking' cracked me up.
But what bugged me a bit was the way some of the sentences were laid out.
It all seemed a bit like this to me: Person A performed Action X. Action X led to Action Y. Person A then did Action Z. There wasn't really enough depth or description. Maybe if you try and look into Hector's character a bit more deeply?
Also, are you going to follow up why Rotom was in the PC? Otherwise it seems like it's just there for the sake of Hector catching another nice rare pokémon.
It's not the best I've read, but by no means is it anywhere near the worst. Heh, it's neither bad nor good yet, and you may be able to take it somewhere.
Good luck.
I loved the line about Wooper trying to climb on top of Commodore. 'anatomically lacking' cracked me up.
But what bugged me a bit was the way some of the sentences were laid out.
It all seemed a bit like this to me: Person A performed Action X. Action X led to Action Y. Person A then did Action Z. There wasn't really enough depth or description. Maybe if you try and look into Hector's character a bit more deeply?
Also, are you going to follow up why Rotom was in the PC? Otherwise it seems like it's just there for the sake of Hector catching another nice rare pokémon.
It's not the best I've read, but by no means is it anywhere near the worst. Heh, it's neither bad nor good yet, and you may be able to take it somewhere.
Good luck.
