Prodigal_Fanboy's 1st Place BR Report! 10/11/09 @ The Port of LA!

Discussion in 'Pokemon Fan Fiction' started by prodigal_fanboy, Oct 13, 2009.

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  1. prodigal_fanboy

    prodigal_fanboy New Member

    So, before going, I had been playing some Juice Pong mirror matches with a few buddies on the Crew team after getting banned from FLYFF and WoW, and I got pretty comfortable with the matchup. I had a few special techs that helped the matchup, so I was feeling really confident.

    Anyway, as we walk to the Pi Omega Kappa chapter, I quickly realized that Juice Pong was not the right play. This was a two-fold realization, first in that frankly I'm terribly uncoordinated and might miss a crucial toss of my fishing line in Top Cut against Gyarados, and I can't afford to have issues with my reel in that tight game.

    I wasn't too worried about my Flygon or Beedrill matchups, as my friend was carrying mace, which I figured was close enough to bug spray for me to be fine.

    Anyway, I arrive at P.O.K., and I decide that I can't afford to run Juice Pong. I switch to a much more well-tested deck, Grovyle Rush. Anyway, as we were walking along, my Velocigrovyles spotted an unattended car. We made out with about $300 bucks in loot. We would've taken more, but the chap had awful taste in music. On the way, I got lost, so I keep trying to call my mate Chompy, but he doesn't pick up for some reason. Anyway, I'm looking pretty scraggly because I haven't shaved in a few weeks, but I see this teenage girl who looks kind of nerdy, so I turn around and try and catch up to her, but she goes into a math lab, and so I figured there wasn't a BR there, so I turned around and left. Sorry for any confusion, miss!

    Anyway, we finally decided to ask for directions. Pokemon is a boy's club, but we had our token girl with us (carrying the mace, remember?), so we had her ask for directions. We arrive.

    There's 7 masters, and no body cares about the rest because they're too young. I'm excited to be there because I haven't been able to go to any other BRs in SoCal, because I've been so busy with college and school and helping orphans and making speeches promising to change up the format. Also, I've been fighting a lawsuit against Souldja Boy because he claimed to change up the format first, and instructed me to leave my shoes at the doormat.

    Anyhow. I register, my Velocigrovyles don't eat anyone (well, there were a few nibbles, but they were holding teriyaki beef jerky so they were ASKING for it).

    Round 1:
    My first round opponent is a respectable twentysomething guy.
    I notice he's playing Blaziken FB, so I figure it'll be tough. I can't break out my super secret table-flipping tech this early in the match, but luckily I have a brilliant idea. with arms concealed beneath my USC hoodie (because even though we lost to Washington, at least we didn't lose to Oregon), I offer to let the match be decided by an arm wrestling contest. My jocund opponent agrees, and I remove my hoodie. He is blinded by my right shoulder of Zeus, and concedes defeat lest he risk getting his own arm dislocated. 1-0.

    Round 2:
    It's this somewhat cute teenage girl, running Flygon Lock. She's 1-0 at this point, and I figured that I'm destined to win this matchup, as the gods won't allow a girl to be attractive and ridiculously good at Pokemon. The Universe might end. Singularity or something. Anyway. I am running a tech Dragonite to help this matchup, but there's something I didn't account for! She has the nerve to try and win by milling me! My Velocigrovyles, confined to the bench, demand vengeance. While I debate their demands, I make a show of it. She gets distracted, and I'm able to grab my friend's can of mace. I pass my turn, and discard the top card of my deck. OH NO. MY LAST POTION!! Certain that the matchup is lost, I look down in defeat. Really I'm just priming the catch on the Mace. She goes to use cosmic power and BOOM! Catch her in the eyes with a spray of Mace. She accidentally picks up half her deck because she can't see. I call a judge, she gets a game-loss. The fates sigh in relief, and I'm now 2-0.

    Round 3:
    Due to the small number of masters, I get paired down against a Senior. The judge informs me that this match will not count towards my rating, because I'm playing a senior. I laugh at the irony of matches with Seniors not counting, and just spit out continuous 120s from Slam + Rigged Dice, with the occasional Tail Shake just to make him think he's got a chance. I take all seven of my prizes before he even gets to do anything really game-changing.

    Round 4:
    Some smelly twenty-something who netdecked a Gyarados list. Basically, he forgot that Velocigrovyles eat fish. My Grovyles ate all four of his Magikarps, and so when he went to Impersonate a Roseanne's with his Sableye for two Magikarp, he thought all four were prized and scooped. I immediately started singing a stirring, Pokemon-themed rendition of "Like a Boss" and dancing provocatively, as I knew I had made the top cut.
    4-0

    Top Cut:
    Same Gyarados guy.

    Thankfully, the Flygon girl went 3-1, which shocked everyone, myself included, and so the judge conducting deck checks was too distracted by that (and the $20 I slipped him), so no one noticed the absence of the previously consumed Karps from his (now-56 card) deck.

    For Game 1, see Round 4. Same thing.

    For Game 2, I complained about a bad start. He bebe'd for an Azelf to fish out (PUN INTENDED - LOL) a Magikarp from the prizes, and before he could use Time Walk and discover my Grovyle's deceit, I flipped the table. Apparently this is not acceptable behavior, so I got a GL. Whatever, I wanted to make him feel like it was a close match.

    Game 3, he gets out an early tech Arcanine SV, which really threatened my Grovyles. Two succumb to its WAYY OVERPOWERED attack, that dealt sixty damage to them for only four energy. Talk about Power Creep. Anyway, I get out my tech Froslass, which deals over nine thousand damage to his Arcanine, most of which gets blocked by his Buffer Piece, but he still gets put asleep. And my Grovyles feast. GG.

    2-1 match win.

    So I'm undefeated for the season, and online it says my rating is undefined. And since 1/x is undefined for x=0, and the limit of 1/x as x approaches 0 is infinity, I feel a lot cooler saying my rating is infinity.

    The TO gave me a Nobel Peace Prize for saying I'd use my packs to stop the war in the Middle East -- "Look, Iran, here's a Sandshrew! Palestine, here's a Marshtomp. Israel, here's a Surskit. Play nice." I took my four packs, robbed third and fourth place of their two apiece because redistrubition of wealth is for socialists and look how far the USSR got, and took my eight packs and sold them to little children for two dollars a pack, and instead of funding peace efforts in the middle east, I put them towards a Chris Brown defense fund.

    Props:
    Grovyles
    Mace
    Juice Pong
    Robbing cars
    Cute girls playing Pokemon
    East Bel-Air
    Being undefeated for the '09-'10 season
    Crew
    My level of maturity increasing with this post

    Slops:
    Juice Pong
    Teenage Girls
    Netdeckers
    Seniors
    People who listen to Tay Swift
    People who don't listen to Tay Swift
    Deaf people who can't listen to Tay Swift
    The Police

    Back to back posts merged. The following information has been added:

    Oops, wrong forum. ;)
     
    Last edited: Oct 13, 2009
  2. FlamingJapaneseMan

    FlamingJapaneseMan New Member

    This so isn't true, lol. But this is a funny report, regardless of how untrue it is.
     
  3. Austino

    Austino New Member

    I can't believe you beat the fishes.

    Also, that table flip broke his leg.

    And i think you stole my Taylor Swift CD from my car on the way there... It was the only CD missing.

    PS. best.report.ever.
     
    Last edited: Oct 13, 2009
  4. Nekizalb

    Nekizalb New Member

    :lol::lol::lol::lol::lol:

    I LOVE THIS REPORT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Even though it makes no sense whatsoever, I was pretty sure that if you had posted one more round I would have started to hurt from laughing so hard.
     
  5. ryanvergel

    ryanvergel New Member

    i actually laughed out loud :thumb:
     
  6. jameswilliams1324

    jameswilliams1324 New Member

    Best report ever, this was hilarious to read! :thumb:

    p.s. to people that dont get this, you need to read aot of the random posts on the RTC.
     
  7. Kayle

    Kayle Active Member

    Hate to say it, but the gods have already broken down, my GF kinda proves that.

    :p.

    This was amazing. I'm so going to do this with CCs. Except then it won't be fresh and it will suck. Never mind that.
     
  8. Colts8729

    Colts8729 New Member

    That was hilarious!:lol:
     
  9. DarthPika

    DarthPika New Member

    Someone has a little too much time on his hands. lol

    Great post! The funniest one I've seen in quite a while.
     
  10. Pikamaster

    Pikamaster Active Member

    Liar.

    Everyone knows that if you play Pokemon, girls will avoid you like the plague. :tongue:

    Anyway, great post, but you only sold the packs for $2 each? You sure you didn't forget a 0?=P
     
  11. prodigal_fanboy

    prodigal_fanboy New Member

    Only because you've got less game than a Parcheesi kit. ;)

    And they were SV packs, I'd feel like a con artist if I asked for more than $2 a pack for that crap.
     
  12. Kayle

    Kayle Active Member

    Seconded for the win.
     
  13. toxictaipan

    toxictaipan New Member

    Wow.
    Great post! Funniest post since MOTL's post.
     
    Last edited: Feb 3, 2010
  14. prodigal_fanboy

    prodigal_fanboy New Member

    Wait, I just noticed... why is this in the Fan Fiction forum? I'm a real BR report!
     
  15. cmak37

    cmak37 New Member

    God that was hilarious. Best post ever on the Gym.

    Definitely beats MOTL's post.
     
  16. Phazon Elite

    Phazon Elite New Member

    I love you so much.
     
  17. prodigal_fanboy

    prodigal_fanboy New Member

    Don't tell your girlfriend, if she finds out you might regret skipping a BR for her!
     
  18. Ariadosman

    Ariadosman New Member

    reminds me of Diaz's States report. LOL

    i lol'd
     
  19. nnaann

    nnaann New Member

    I laughed so hard at the part about the girl you followed into the Math Lab.
     
  20. Deoxys Cool Form

    Deoxys Cool Form New Member

    LOL I couldn't stop laughing about the CHOMPY and the following the girl part.

    Great job.
     

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