Pokémon TCG: Sword and Shield—Brilliant Stars

The Legend of the Uber Slayer and Piplink

Quick Draw

New Member
I am posting this on another forum as well as the gym. If you wan't more chapters reply. and it's a story of truth, Ubers and n00bs
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Chapter 1: The Day that Piplup Discovered its Powers

It was a morning like any other morning, except for one thing. The King of the Ttars, or Uber-Tar, was chasing a Piplup. “Pip lup, pip pip,” cried the Piplup asking Uber-Tar not to kill it. Uber-Tar roared. When it roared several trees creaked. The Piplup started running again, but this time it knew it was truly running for its life.

Piplup soon became cornered into the end of a ravine. Uber-Tar soon caught up and was charging up its laser. If you could understand it, it would be saying, “Ima chargin up meh lazer.”

Piplup was soon surrounded by a bright green aura as Uber-Tar launched its laser. After a explosion of smoke, Uber-Tar saw that its “Uber-beam” didn’t effect Piplup, but rather Piplup’s aura became red. Piplup now had a sense of confidence on its face and released the aura that had surrounded it.

It went sky high and became a bright sky blue. Then it came down like a thunderbolt on Uber-Tar. Uber-Tar became paralyzed. As soon as that happened the same blue aura surrounded Piplup’s hand. It shaped itself to be a sword, Piplup quickly ran at Uber-Tar with speed that would be impossible for a Piplup. It was moving as fast as a Pikachu using agility.

When it got up to Uber-Tar, it thrust its blade into the uber. Uber-Tar’s eyes widened, and it fell down
to the ground with a huge cut in between its stomach and chest. It was dead. Pochama was amazed at its powers and walked with a great sense of pride on its face. It felt that it was unstoppable, but it was quickly attacked by a man’s Porygon2. Piplup tried using its powers, but it wouldn’t work. It was quickly defeated by the Porygon2. Piplup soon was captured by the man and taken away.
 
Just a tip of advice...I think you rushed into your main part of the story to fast. You kinda have to have things lead into another and introduce things as they come. Can't just rush into things right away. The end of your story kinda seemed like you were just in a hurry to end it too. You need to lead into the end of the chapter as well as leading into the story. Just my opinion though. Good luck with your fan-fic.

~MSF45
 
Back
Top