The Quest of Arceus: The Journey to a new Homeworld

[Alpha Dialga]

This is a summary of my story:
The pokemon world is dying. Will Arceus and his fellow legends make to their new home alive. Could this place called hyrule be what their looking for. Even then new legendaries are born.
Rated T for some violence and blood



Prologue:

(music: the Hero of Time, LOZ: Wind Waker)

In a vast galaxy, there is a world that was dying, known as the Pokemon world. This world was in chaos. Evil organizations were on murderous rampages, killing humans and pokemon alike. The regions of this world, from Kanto to Sinnoh, were now barren and desolate. Corpses of people and pokemon alike littered the lands. People in this world prayed that Arceus, the god of the Pokemon, would bring salvation to them, but Arceus was unable to help, for he feared that the evil organizations would try to control or even kill him. Many legendaries were killed when trying to save innocent lives. After the death of the Temporal Pokemon, Dialga, the very fabric of time was collapsing, resulting in time stopping in many different parts of the galaxy.

Giratina II was the son of the first Giratina. The first Giratina was the one that once wreaked havoc upon the Pokemon world. The second Giratina however overthrew his creul father and brought peace the the Distortion world, which was were the departed souls of people and pokemon live. This world was considered heaven, Currently, the first Giratina is in the underworld, where those who caused pain and suffuring in the lives of others live. With the death of Giratina II, the Distortion World was also begining to collapse. The Original One, Arceus, felt sad and hurt and knew that there was no hope for his world.

The legends that were slain included: Dialga, Giratina, and the regi trio, but the were others. Then Arceus soon declared an emergency meeting for the remaining legendaries . And so, the quest for for a new homeworld will begin.

Please review and give me ideas for this story

 

[David's Confused Pokedad]

Needs to be readable for 10 and under. Change rating.

I like the idea of slaying Dialga and Giratina I and II, and I want to see who else was dead. Arceus
had better have a plan, because with all of the time portals falling, it'll be tough.

Great intro. I say 8/10, for fact of a few grammar issues.
-David

 

[Lucario EX]

So far this is okay, but it'll have to stay PG-13.

There's a few spelling/grammar mistakes, but not an abnormal number. Don't stress about that too much.

Interesting start. I hope you continue this story.

 

[Pikamaster]

Yeah, basically what they said. I also noticed some grammar mistakes, and it's easy to keep it PG, just skim over some of the details about the violence. Also, I just want to make one thing clear. Arceus is NOT the "god" of Pokemon. Yes, it is the alpha Pokemon, yes, it's supposed to have created the world and everything in it, but Nintendo has never made it out to be something that is "omnipotent and omniscient", or anywhere near that, or even called it a "god".

But other than that, I'm interested in where this is headed. I personally love both the Pokemon and the Zelda series, so I really do want this to come out written well. Try to make any characters that you "borrow" true to how Nintendo made them, that's all I can really say. It would be like if I wrote a fan fic for the Pokemon Adventures manga and made Giovanni like unicorns and sleep with a teddy bear. Just don't make them too different, but you are allowed to make a few changes, as long as it doesn't really affect who they are. (i.e, giving Link an intense hatred for Lon Lon Milk, but he has to drink it to restore health.)

So far this is okay, but it'll have to stay PG-13.

There's a few spelling/grammar mistakes, but not an abnormal number. Don't stress about that too much.

Interesting start. I hope you continue this story.

Why are you doing this instead of posting the final round's entries? =P

 

[Alpha Dialga]

Chapter two

Chapter Two: the plan

(Hall of Origin music plays)

It was rather busy time at the Hall of Origin ,which consists of a throne room(place where Arceus holds his meetings), bedrooms specific for all the legendaries including himself. a nursery, and an infirmary. The floors are covered with white marble with golden markings, walls are decorated white and gold with majestic pillars perfectly aligned in the halls.

"What am I going to do?" , said Arceus the equine like being who created the pokémon world. Soon Arceus let out a mighty roar, "All legendaries report for an urgent meeting." First to arrive was the spatial pokémon, Palkia who was saddened by news of the deaths of her siblings, Dialga and Giratina II.

The next legendaries to arrive were: Rayquaza, Groudon, Kyorge, Celebi, Articuno, Moltres, Zapdos, and Mew. After everyone arrived the legendary pokémon gatherd in front of their leader.

Arceus soon told the legendaries of the situation at hand. Arceus said. "I am sure you all know that we have lost so many of our comrades, including Dialga and Giratina II." After hearing this, the legendaries gasped in shock. After hearing the news, Palkia broke down and cried loudly in sadness. The other legends tried to comfort the spatial deity but to no avail.

To make matters worse, Groudon and Kyorge started fighting, firing attacks at each other. This caused are chain reaction of fighting between the legends. Seeing this, Palkia could not take it anymore and left in tears. Arceus soon shouted ,"Enough all of you!"and fired a judgment attack at the feuding legends. Soon all the fighting stopped. "All right," Arceus soon said in calm voice, "Anyways we need to find a new home world." "Well," Rayquaza said in a knightly voice, "Where will we live, my lord?" Arceus then began to glow golden and the hall of origin was enveloped in this light.

Then the scenery changed to what was a beautiful planet which was larger than their own world. "What is this planet and who lives there?" the legends asked. Arceus zoomed in further on the planet until a beautiful kingdom can be seen. On this land they could see a pointy eared human who was wearing a green tunic and cap, long white undershirt and pants, brown boots, and also had a mystical sword and shield with markings the legendaries have never seen. This human was riding on horseback across a field while a castle can be seen in the distance.

"This, my children, is a land called Hyrule." Arceus told them in a joyful way. All the legendaries could only look in awe and wonder of the world that lay before them.

After Arceus returned the others back to the Hall of Origin, Arceus told them, "All right everyone, tonight we shall make our final preparations for our journey." He ended with, "We shall leave for this new home tomorrow at dawn."

 

[Pikamaster]

^I only have two things to say for now.

One. You called Hyrule Field by name before Arceus told the other Pokemon what the place was called. Personally, I would've just called it a field.

Two. You say "A distant castle can be seen in the distance." Don't repeat yourself here, one use of "distant" is enough, anything else is repetitive. I may make a more detailed post later, but I'm kinda busy ATM.

 

[David's Confused Pokedad]

Makes an interesting clash between series. Cool.

I'd say it's a bit short, but still intriguing. Keep going.

-David