Paddy Englishman, Paddy Irishman and Paddy Scotsman were stranded on a desert island when one of them came accross a rusty old lamp. They rubbed it and, lo and behold, a genie emerged from the spout.
"Since there are three of you, I'll grant you each one wish," it declared.
Paddy Englishman thought for a while, and then said, "Well, I'm getting bad sunburn here, so I wish I was back in London with my family." With a puff of smoke, he was gone.
Paddy Scotsman said, "There's no food to eat here, so I wish I was back in Glasgow with my family." Another puff, and Paddy Irishman was alone. The genie turned to him.
"Well," Paddy Irishman said, kicking the sand, "It's kind of lonely here, so I wish my two mates were here with me."
Since I'm not American, I can't resist but include one for you guys
Three doctors were out playing golf one day and were bragging about their most famous achievements. "Several years ago," boasted the first, "I had a patient who had the fingers of both hands sliced off in a car accident. I reattached them, and, last year, he played the piano at the Queen of Englands birthday party."
"That's nothing," scoffed the second. "I once operated on a man who lost his right leg at the hip. After thirty hours in the theatre, I fixed him up, and it was he that scored the winning goal in the World Cup Finals two years ago."
"You're both Amateurs," said the third golfer. "Several years ago, I was called to operate on a man in Texas. He had been riding his horse when the creature startled, ran off a cliff and landed on a railroad track two hundred feet below right before a train passed that way. All that was left was the horse's rear end and a cowboy hat. That man is now President of the United States."