Comments: Pokémon Apocrypha

[The Fish King]

I’m back! After an absence of two years due to religious responsibilities, I have returned to the Pokémon scene. I was wondering how to bring myself back to the ‘Gym without just showing up out of nowhere so I decided to write one of the story ideas that I’ve had to jumpstart things. I was hoping to have more written before I posted it, but I wanted to come back to the ‘Gym before the World Championship and I could see that I wasn’t going to finish the prologue in time. Such is life, I guess.

Anyhow, about Pokémon Apocrypha. I thought of the idea long before Pokémon Emerald came out. It has some (make that several) contradictions to the show and Pokémon Emerald. I am fully aware of this so please don’t point it out to me. I did it on purpose. If I were to try to adapt the story to coincide with the show it would dramatically change the storyline. This will be the first story I ever wrote that directly opposes the set storyline of Pokémon.

As you may have noticed, the names of the Pokémon have been changed. I named them after legends that they seemed to be based on. Kyogre is better suited to be called Leviathan, but it runs better for my story for Kyogre to be called Izanagi. If you want to better understand this story you may want to research the legends behind the names I have chosen.

I would like to apologize in advance to anybody who might be offended that I chose a religious term for the title, but since this story involves ideas that are discussed in every religious organization (i.e. the creation, the nature of deity, and so forth) I can’t imagine the story to have a non-religious name. For those who are interested, Apocrypha means “hidden” and it used in reference to religious documents from Old Testament times that are not canonized in most versions of the Bible. I used the name for this story because it refers to religious views in the Pokémon world that aren’t expressed in the main story of the Pokémon series.

With all that said. I hope you enjoy my story.

-The Fish King

 

[Marril]

Yama is "mountain," "climax," or "speculation." Yami is "darkness." Interesting combination for what seems to be a pair of dragons opposed to the gods of sea and land. Also interesting that a dragon named Darkness is fighting for what are apparently supposed to be virtues (i.e. fighting against war, aggression, and dominance). Darkness subdues the land, the mountains subdue the sea, then?

That said, I'd say you're trying too hard to sound impressive with Apocrypha. A legend shouldn't sound overblown, which parts of Apocrypha did at times. Not a bad story, as it's certainly creative and influenced at least in part from actual legend, just some things seemed to be left undone in the name of sounding impressive. For example, Darkness and Mountain sacrificing themselves... it sounds like a suicide bomb the way it's written currently (similar to using Explosion at low HP). Lament their sacrifices more, speak of the deed more. Minor things go a long way.

 

[The Fish King]

I was actually basing the dragons after Yama and Yami of Hinduism. They are twins, brother and sister, who were the first mortals on Earth. It took me forever to find a belief in two mortals, male and female, being placed on Earth in the beginning of history other than the far too obvious Adam and Eve. As far as how closely it follows the actual story of Yama and Yami, it doesn't... Aside from twins and the begging these two are very different than the actual Yama and Yami.

As far as the name of the story, it's all I could come up with. It doesn't only deal with the creation so it can't be named along those lines. I think it's okay, but I'm open to suggestions.

 

[Marril]

My biggest suggestion is to treat it like a real legend, and narrate that way. Your current way sounds really forced (see the second paragraph in my first post in the thread for details).