OMG, there's men huggin' men in OREEEGON, we gotta stop this.
It gets worse.
See, Chris loves Chris. To Chris, Chris is the greatest person ever. In fact, if you ask Chris, Chris could beat Chuck Norris in a roundhouse kick competition. As you might expect, Chris loves to hug his family's mirror every morning...and evening....and whenever he uses the bathroom. In fact, there are rumors that Chris eats a diet high in beans just so he can hug his Chris-tacular image more often (I don't know why I know that, I just do). However, Chris is also a germophobe, so when he is at Pokemon touraments, he finds non-bathroom reflective surfaces to embrace.
In related news, I am white. That's not me being racist; I'm just very white. There's only been one shirtless picture of me taken, and it's on my girlfriend's 'space. I'm not sure how she can look at me shirtless and not blink. I think that is because she's Latina, and is thus used to harsh light (luckily, making racist comments about someone I love is totally OK and totally not deserving of a warning or anything at all. she laughs whenever I say racist jokes to her face, so there. ^^). In fact, you could have a movie studio hire me to play a ghost in a random horror movie, and I'd be REHIRED for a later role in a different movie at a greater pay rate thanks to how perfectly I fit the role (and how much time I'd save the CGI guys; they wouldn't have to animate a ghastly spirit thanks to my milky-white skin).
To further bash myself, I also sweat at the slightest provocation, even if that provocation is actually none at all. In other words, I sweat whenever I darn well feel like it: Examples include: while playing video games, while naked, while asleep, while taking a cold shower all alone (which is just odd), while shuffling a deck, while folding a paper airplane, etc. when I die, I'll sweat for hours after the fact. Seeing other people sweat makes me sweat. If you could somehow recycle my sweat, I could hydraulically power at least one piece of machinery for a full work shift. I will be automatically assumed guilty of any crime I am accused of, as I will sweat regardless of what question I am asked: The interrogator could ask me if I prefer chocolate cake or cherry pie, and he'd discover that I actually enjoy my own sweat-soaked ankles, as that's where my embarrassed eyes would be. One can only imagine how sweaty I get at a Pokemon tournament.
Which brings us to why Chris always hugs me. It's not because we're different, it's because Chris sees his reflection on my white, sweaty, SHINY forehead; and must then hug it. In other words,
CHRIS HUGS ME BECAUSE HE HAS A SELF-OBSESSION AND MUST EMBRACE EVERY PHYSICAL SURFACE WHICH REFLECTS HIS IMAGE, INCLUDING A SWEATY ALBINO LIKE MYSELF.
(When I'm bored, bad things happen)
