A Star Is Born

Discussion in 'Pokemon Fan Fiction' started by MollyHaleIsMyFriend, Sep 25, 2007.

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  1. MollyHaleIsMyFriend

    MollyHaleIsMyFriend New Member

    A Star Is Born

    Professor Oak just bought new furniture for Molly because she's moving into pallet town.

    "Hi, Ash" said Molly with a smile

    "Hi, Molly" said Ash hugging molly

    "i am moving in with you, but my last name is still hale; my parents died" said molly

    "Sorry to hear that, Molly" said Ash.

    Ash helped molly organize her furniture and toys; "I will bhe starting school at Pallet Town Day School today" said molly.

    "Time for school, Molly" said Mrs. Ketchum.

    Ash walked Molly to her school and took her to room 12. Molly made friends with the kids and started playing with the toys.

    "You must be Molly Hale" said Ms. Appleby

    "Yes" Molly replied; the kids introduced themselves.

    a commercial director came to the school; "I am looking for Molly Hale!" said the commercial director; "That's me" Molly replied; the commercial diirector took molly to a.
    studio to do a commercial on Pallet Town Day School

    Molly did the commercial playing with toys, playing on the playground and other things

    "I will get molly back if it's the last thing I ever do!" snarled Entei

    Molly drank her milk and ate her cupcake; school was over for the day; and team rocket and Entei came to attavk the heroes

    "Prepare for trouble" said Jessy

    "And Make it double!" said James

    "To protect the world from devastaion" said Jessy

    "To unite all people within our nation" said James

    "To denounce the evil of truth and love" said Jessy

    "To extend our reach to the stars of above" said James

    "Jessy!" said Jessy

    "James!" said James

    "Team Rocket blast off at the speed of light!" said Jessy

    "Surrender now or prepare to fight!" said James

    "Meowth, Thats Right!" said Meowth

    "Hand over Molly, twerp" said Jessy; "Never!" said Ash "Molly is my friend, so are my other friends and my pokemon!" he added

    "I am here for Molly" Entei demanded

    "You'll never get away with this, Entei" said Ash angrily;

    Ash got on a bench and tons of pikachu piled high and shocked team rocket; Ash understood that team rocket wanted more power so Ash and pikachu helped the other pikachu zap team rocket and they blasted off; and they did the same thing to Entei and Entei got destroyed

    "Way to go ash!" said Molly excitedly

    "We did it!" said Misty; "What are firends for?" asked Ash

    Molly did the same commercial and the commercial was a hit; meanwhile back at home Mrs. Ketchum said she was proud of Ash and his friends

    "Welcome aboard, Molly" said Ash

    Entei was permeanently destroyed; and Molly was sitting at her desk drawing pictures of herself palying with the toys at her school and hung it un the fridge with her name out of magnet letters; "MOLLY" on the top; and "HALE" on the bottom; so Ash made Molly's bed and dusted and polished all her chairs and desk and play table and her other furniture.

    "I love it here" said Molly; so Ash and Molly slept and had great dreams and slept the whole night through; Molly got up to go to the bathroom and brushed her teeth and then went back to bed.

  2. charmander rox

    charmander rox New Member

    Ummm.... what? At least its not as bad as the Wailord.
  3. EeveeLover929

    EeveeLover929 New Member

    Um... okay, I see where you're going with this, but you have an odd problem in which you are too descriptive, and yet not edescriptive enough. You need more detail about the setting, the plot, exacltly what the heck is up with this, emotion, etc...

    Take this passage for instance:

    That's... pathetic. You've taken human emotion completely out of this. Then, let's look at this revision.

    Now see, that's a much better read. Oh, and things like that last bit, the part about the teethbrushing, that's what I meant by too descriptive. We don't need to know those insignificant details, those make it dry, like reading every little detail about a person's daily life. I don't want to hear how many paper clips he counted out at work.
  4. Charizardian

    Charizardian New Member

    I like how when after team rocket appears, Ash just randomly appears.

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