Pokémon TCG: Sword and Shield—Brilliant Stars

the adventers of justin

therage

New Member
ok well heres the story....]

"sound of typing" .... "BEEP,BEEP" .... "AGGH"!! "what the heck was that? said justin "oh,snap it was the alarm i set for the

pokemon givaway proffesor maui is giving"!!! [puts on clothes and heads down stairs]

"ok,mom im ready to become a pokemon master"!!! "well before you become a master of pokemon,you better become a master of

putting on clothes,you forgot to put on pants"..... "oh snap"!! [runs upstairs and puts on pants,then runs back down stairs] "ok,now

im ready"!!! "yes you are justin,yes you are"said jenifer[justins mother] "ok mom,ive got everything ready,im off"!! "bye

son,please be careful"!!"i will mom,i will"[runs out door][runs all the way to professor maui's laboratory][runs right through

door]"IM HERE"!!!![everybody in the lab jumps off their seats because of the loud shout]"oh,look what the cat dragged in"..."a

little weasel"said bimbo[justin's rival,ever since he was 5]"now,now,setle down bimbo"said proffesor maui."now,lets talk

buisness"..."both of you came here to recieve your pokemon"."now,since bimbo was here first he gets the first choice"."that sounds

fair"says justin."ok,then its settled,bimbo,go choose whichever pokemon you wish"said profesor maui.[bimbo stares at pokeballs

and randomly chooses one]"i choose this pokemon"!!says bimbo."ok,now its your turn justin".[justin walks over to the pokeballs

and concemtrates on them deeply,then chooses the pokeball to the left]"ok both of you have your pokemon,how bout battle each

other to test them out"?"that sounds cool"says justin."get ready to lose sharleton"said bimbo."go pokemon"!"go pokemon"!

[suchawa comes out on bimbo's side][farlegual comes out on justins side]"oh,that reminds me,here are your z-dex".[proffesor maui

hands both bimbo and justin a z-dex][both bimbo and justin open the z-dex to identify they're pokemon]"suchawa,the mamoth

pokemon,it loves to stay in icey water and is very playful,but if it gets tempered it can be a forced to be worried about"said bimbo's

z-dex."farlegual,the sabertooth pokemon,it is a freiendly pokemon that loves attention,but has a short temper span,if maddneed it

will go on a rampage of fire"said justins z-dex."ok suchawa,use tackle"!![suchawa charges at farlegual]"farlegual,dodge and use

scratch"![farlegual dodges in the knick of time and sctratches suchawa in the face,suchawa falls to the floor,but still looks

healthy]"now suchawa use screeh"![suchawa screeches at farlegual and farlegual looks scared and lets down some of its guard by

getting in an open-position]"farlegual,use another scratch"![farlegual scratches suchawa again and suchawa looks some what

injured by it squitning]"suchawa screech again"!![suchawa screeches again and farlegual screams in annoyance][farlegual looks

deeply maddened]"now frlegual,for the win scratch"!![farlegua speeds over to suchawa in an instant and it sctratches suchawa full

force,knocking suchawa to the floor and knocking it out]"and the winner is justin"!says proffesor maui."cheater,you cheated"!!says

bimbo.[bimbo storms out of the lab,even forgeting to take his knocked out pokemon with him,suchawa eventualy wakes up and runs

after him]"dont worry he'll be fine,hes just used to everything going his way"said proffesor maui."no problem,thanks proffesor,but i

gota get going"."ok,no problem see ya and good luck on your journey"!says proffesor maui."thank you"!says justin as he walks

through the door.

he walks to the end of town and reads the sighn"now leaving beaverly town".......









[fyi this takes place in the walmierta region which is 100 years in the future after d/p pokemon were discovered.
it contias all new pokemon,including new legendaries and such.
all new villans and heroes.]



please let me know if i should continue writing...:clap: :clap:

ok ill give chapter 2...

"agh"!"how you doin farlegual"?said justin."far..legual"!said farlegual with a happy face.{both walking into the sunset as the end of

the day approches]"stop right there,this is a stickup"said 2 people in black and blue uniforms."who are you"?said justin

franticly."we are.........FRANKIE.....LOLA.....team black ice owns the darkness and the cold,we stand together as we are bold,sneasel

thats right"said the 2 people in the black uniform and there talking sneasel."now,give us your pokemon and all of your moey and we

wont hurt you"."yea,like im guna do that,i wont give up without a battle,go farlegual"!said justin.[farlegual jumped out from behind

justin,with its fangs out]"alright then little boy,but you'll regret it,go sneasel"said team black ice.[senales runs out to batle]"now

farlegual,use scratch"said justin.[farlegul scratched sneasel and sneasel was knocked out and fell to the floor]"aggh,umn....we'll be

leaving now"said team black ice,as they threw a smoke ball to the floor,and as the smoke cleared,they disapeared."well farlegual,we

did good"SAID JUSTIN AS THEY WANDERED INTO THE HORIZON.......

telle what you think.
 
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The "enter" key is your friend. Use it. It will help in understanding. Right now, I just see 2 large blobs of text, very unruly to read, especially in a forum setting. It looks like there is a lot of dialogue. Edit it to look something more like this:

He looked at his sister. "I thought stuff like this didn't happen," he said.

She smiled back. "Well, it did. Now what?"

"Well, let's just see what happens from here on out," he sighed and sat down

* * *

See how that's much easier to read? Try reposting those chapters like that, then it'll be easier to comment on the writing.
 
Also, it's a good idea to use good grammar. What you have here is kind of poor usage. One ex. CAPITALIZE ( I am not yelling, just stressing it) the first letters of proper nouns.
 
ok im not the best speller in the world but i just checked over it nd the only really big mistakes is that i didnt capatalize at all..
when i get the chance ill fix it but capatilization doesnt mean u cant read it,but it is always good to use it.
thanks for reminding me.
 
Type it in Word, then use the spell/grammer/text check. Then, have somebody else look it over and tell you where those breaks should come.

Each time somebody new speaks, it should be a different paragraph. Each time the major subject changes, it should be a different paragraph. Check the story in my sig for a better idea of formatting and schtuff like that.
 
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