well, let me straighten out a few things:
the main character is named carl johnson (he goes by CJ most of the time).
the map is not the size of california. it has three large urban areas (based on los angeles, san francisco, and las vegas) along with suburbs and some rural areas. i think it is about 5 times the size of vice city's map. ign said it took them 30 minutes to go from end to end on the map, but since i am busy getting side items, i havent opened up the whole map yet to verify that.
the "fight schools" are in the gyms. there is one gym in each urban area. for the 1st gym, just go in and walk into the red circle and the guy will offer to fight you in the ring. agree and beat him and he'll teach you some techniques. you should also make sure to use the weights and exercise equipment to build your muscle and stamina levels.
andy dick is a host on a chat radio station, and axl rose (from guns n roses) is a host on the rock station (if i remember correctly).
the game is way more fun than the previous versions. it's larger, more detailed, and full of things to do. my only complaint is that it is so big, it takes forever to do some things (like taxi missions, pimp missions, etc). also, Ancient Pokemon Trainer, you can do whatever you want. i'm just saying that this game is not meant for people who dont know how to put it into context, and if you were my child, you wouldnt play this game until you were at least 16. as for you and your parents, what you do is your decision. playing this game probably wont kill you or lead you down a path of gang involvement and violence, but it is a far cry from playing any nintendo game. gta:sa is rife with profanity, sexual references, drugs, violence, and death. the cops are crooked, murder is encouraged, and gang involvement is a prerequisite. some people (not necessarily you) are simply not ready, and might never be ready, for this game and its contents.