a fiction
- Thread starter CheeseEX
- Start date
charmander rox
New Member
You bumped a thread for a week and a half to say that you have writer's block? :nonono:
Crystal Hikara
New Member
Use Word.
Gonna have to say it. Don't use the reply box for your writing. There's no excuse for not using Word for a story. There are easy, free, legitimate Word downloads you can get offline, as well, if, for whatever reason, you don't have it. Laziness will not help you in writing.
Which brings me to the most insulting point of this message, I'm afraid: plagerizing. Have you ever drawn something, sprited something, or done something you were genuinely proud of? How would you feel if you left for a moment or left your sprite out in the wind on a random forum, only to have that image snatched away from you, and then have someone call it their own and reap the benefits from it? How about if someone broke into your house, went through your belongings, messed up your papers and things, stole whatever computer or laptop you're writing this 'story' on, and then they just left, and you never recovered whatever was on the file? Plagerizing is stealing without the person's permission. It's as insulting to an author as it is to steal physical belongings from a house. Avoid it when you can.
Next...big boo-boo I noticed. No starting stories with 'once upon a time', especially Pokemon fics. This phrase is generic and disgustingly cliche, and used for old stories, telling about when the world was more than a millenia younger. Pokemon is oft told in a futuristic timeframe, given the more advanced technology. This just made me look away and not even want to finish the run on sentence it was contained in. Even 'in the distant future, in a galaxy far, far away', which is near the stereotypical Star Wars opening, is tons better to use as a cliched opening to your story.
Run-ons. Biiiiiiiig violation of grammar issues. Subject-predicate. Even if you're a child, it's expected that you at least understand that each sentence has to have a noun and a verb. Each sentence is supposed to be one thought, possibly strung together from additional adverbs and adjectives. To have several thoughts and couples of nouns and verbs is called a run-on sentence. Like Charmander Rox said, one sentence should not be used to set the setting, tell about a nefarious team, and the main character. One thing at a time. First, introduce setting within one detailed sentence. Then, add in the main character in a completely different sentence. Tell us about them. What are they wearing? Go past 'shirt and pants'. What color, specifically? Is the teeshirt maroon with a logo on it, or is it a cadmium red with long sleeves, the left sleeve holding essential gear?
The aim of writing stories is to show, not tell the story. I should be able to sit down and get an almost immediate image in my mind when you open the scene, and maybe be able to see the character's exact disposition. With this? I'm left with a blank, fuzzy image in mind. The grammar is subpar and nearly inexistant. The spelling, I'm sure, is just as atrocious. I'll say it again- Word. Use it. Your grammar will certainly improve if you use it.
And capitalize things, too. That's a biggy. Word automatically capitalizes new sentences.
One little last thing here...as a personal comment, no one likes it when you respond to them with one or two word sentences. I'd say it's as good as spamming. It really irks people when you give generic responses. And also, don't play dumb when people are trying to help you. Being a kid has nothing to do with it. Having English as a second language has nothing to do with it. I was writing epic mini-stories when I was in seventh grade that were ten to the third divided by one-point-six times longer than what you have here. No-one will read your story if you simply shun the advice given to you. :/
As others have suggested, I do wish for you to try and read Daioskail. Just upon a passing glance, I noticed it had extremely structured grammar and helped to begin to show the story. I will say nothing concerning my own stories, as that is bitterly vain.
Not that I'm saying to give up or anything! I have not bashed an inch at your possible potential that we all share as creatures capable of written language. You just need to definitely improve upon various lacking parts of a good fanfic.
*gazes up at her post* ...uh. Is it bad if my critique was longer and more descript than his actual chapters? Eh he he...
Gonna have to say it. Don't use the reply box for your writing. There's no excuse for not using Word for a story. There are easy, free, legitimate Word downloads you can get offline, as well, if, for whatever reason, you don't have it. Laziness will not help you in writing.
Which brings me to the most insulting point of this message, I'm afraid: plagerizing. Have you ever drawn something, sprited something, or done something you were genuinely proud of? How would you feel if you left for a moment or left your sprite out in the wind on a random forum, only to have that image snatched away from you, and then have someone call it their own and reap the benefits from it? How about if someone broke into your house, went through your belongings, messed up your papers and things, stole whatever computer or laptop you're writing this 'story' on, and then they just left, and you never recovered whatever was on the file? Plagerizing is stealing without the person's permission. It's as insulting to an author as it is to steal physical belongings from a house. Avoid it when you can.
Next...big boo-boo I noticed. No starting stories with 'once upon a time', especially Pokemon fics. This phrase is generic and disgustingly cliche, and used for old stories, telling about when the world was more than a millenia younger. Pokemon is oft told in a futuristic timeframe, given the more advanced technology. This just made me look away and not even want to finish the run on sentence it was contained in. Even 'in the distant future, in a galaxy far, far away', which is near the stereotypical Star Wars opening, is tons better to use as a cliched opening to your story.
Run-ons. Biiiiiiiig violation of grammar issues. Subject-predicate. Even if you're a child, it's expected that you at least understand that each sentence has to have a noun and a verb. Each sentence is supposed to be one thought, possibly strung together from additional adverbs and adjectives. To have several thoughts and couples of nouns and verbs is called a run-on sentence. Like Charmander Rox said, one sentence should not be used to set the setting, tell about a nefarious team, and the main character. One thing at a time. First, introduce setting within one detailed sentence. Then, add in the main character in a completely different sentence. Tell us about them. What are they wearing? Go past 'shirt and pants'. What color, specifically? Is the teeshirt maroon with a logo on it, or is it a cadmium red with long sleeves, the left sleeve holding essential gear?
The aim of writing stories is to show, not tell the story. I should be able to sit down and get an almost immediate image in my mind when you open the scene, and maybe be able to see the character's exact disposition. With this? I'm left with a blank, fuzzy image in mind. The grammar is subpar and nearly inexistant. The spelling, I'm sure, is just as atrocious. I'll say it again- Word. Use it. Your grammar will certainly improve if you use it.
And capitalize things, too. That's a biggy. Word automatically capitalizes new sentences.
One little last thing here...as a personal comment, no one likes it when you respond to them with one or two word sentences. I'd say it's as good as spamming. It really irks people when you give generic responses. And also, don't play dumb when people are trying to help you. Being a kid has nothing to do with it. Having English as a second language has nothing to do with it. I was writing epic mini-stories when I was in seventh grade that were ten to the third divided by one-point-six times longer than what you have here. No-one will read your story if you simply shun the advice given to you. :/
As others have suggested, I do wish for you to try and read Daioskail. Just upon a passing glance, I noticed it had extremely structured grammar and helped to begin to show the story. I will say nothing concerning my own stories, as that is bitterly vain.
Not that I'm saying to give up or anything! I have not bashed an inch at your possible potential that we all share as creatures capable of written language. You just need to definitely improve upon various lacking parts of a good fanfic.
*gazes up at her post* ...uh. Is it bad if my critique was longer and more descript than his actual chapters? Eh he he...
charmander rox
New Member
Trevor said:
What, are they going to butcher 'em up and eat them?
... :lol:^ nice critique, far better than this fic seems to deserve.
charmander rox
New Member
Word has a spell check. It corrects your spelling and grammar mistakes.
GreatLakesCharizard
New Member
1 word: wow...
This reminds me Red vs. Blue's Caboose. He makes no sense at all. I don't know why. but it just does.
Here's some advice-
1. Use Microsoft Word.
2. Spell Check.
3. Have more than one-three sentences in a paragraph.
4. Have someone proof read it.
I am writing up a Fan Fic now, Only some people know what it is. I am hoping to get it up soon though.
Thanks
--GLChar--
This reminds me Red vs. Blue's Caboose. He makes no sense at all. I don't know why. but it just does.
Here's some advice-
1. Use Microsoft Word.
2. Spell Check.
3. Have more than one-three sentences in a paragraph.
4. Have someone proof read it.
I am writing up a Fan Fic now, Only some people know what it is. I am hoping to get it up soon though.
Thanks
--GLChar--