Pokémon TCG: Sword and Shield—Brilliant Stars

Joke Center...Revived....

S

skarmory777

New Member
Well the last one was closed so I thought I would start a new one. Only better than the last.....even though it's basically the same. Post the jokes and hear the laughs!

Ok theres two Muffins in the oven. One muffin looks at the other and says "Wow, isn't it hot in here?". "The other one screams "WHOA! A TALKING MUFFIN!"
 
Here's a blonde joke:
*If anyone is actually offended by this-most of the ones I know come from a blonde girl-LMK and I will delete it*

80,000 blondes meet in the Kansas City Chiefs Stadium for a "Blondes Are Not Stupid" Convention.

The leader says, "We are all here today to prove to the world that blondes are not stupid. Can I have a volunteer?"

A blonde gingerly works her way through the crowd and steps up to the stage.

The leader asks her, "What is 15 plus 15?"

After 15 or 20 seconds she says, "Eighteen!"

Obviously everyone is a little disappointed. Then 80,000 blondes start cheering, "Give her another chance! Give her another chance!"

The leader says, "Well since we've gone to the trouble of getting 80,000 of you in one place and we have the world- wide press and global broadcast media here, gee, uh, I guess we can give her another chance."

So he asks, "What is 5 plus 5?"

After nearly 30 seconds she eventually says, "Ninety?"

The leader is quite perplexed, looks down and just lets out a dejected sigh -- everyone is disheartened - the blonde starts crying and the 80,000 girls begin to yell and wave their hands shouting, "GIVE HER ANOTHER CHANCE! GIVE HER ANOTHER CHANCE!"

The leader, unsure whether or not he is doing more harm than damage, eventually says, "Ok! Ok! Just one more chance -- What is 2 plus 2?"

The girl closes her eyes, and after a whole minute eventually says, "Four?"

Throughout the stadium pandemonium breaks out as all 80,000 girls jump to their feet, wave their arms, stomp their feet and scream... "Give her another chance! Give her another chance!"
 
Ok four people in a plane, ones a rabbi, ones the pilot, ones a little boy scout, and the other is Steven Hawking.

The Engine malfunctions and the Pilot Yells "WE'RE GOIN DOWN! ok we have only 3 parachutes and 4 people, since I'm the Pilot I will take one." With that he takes the Chute and jumps out of the plane.

The other start debating about who gets to go. Steven Hawking eventually says "We'll I'm the smartest man in the world, theres still so much more I can do." With that he grabs one of the bags and jumps out.

The Rabbi looks at the boy and says "Sweet child, I have lived my live take the last chute and save yourself."

The boy scout replies "Oh it's ok Rabbi, the smartest man in the world just jumped out of the plane with my backpack on."
 
Ummmmmmm...first of all, Stephen Hawking is all but paralyzed, so this 'joke' is an impossibility, if not actually in bad taste =/

Second, if we're going to have 'jokes' here, let's keep away from the ethnic/racial/religious/sexual stereotypes, please...

'mom
 
SD PokéMom said:
Ummmmmmm...first of all, Stephen Hawking is all but paralyzed, so this 'joke' is an impossibility, if not actually in bad taste =/

Second, if we're going to have 'jokes' here, let's keep away from the ethnic/racial/religious/sexual stereotypes, please...

'mom
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Lots of jokes are an impossibity. Like the pretzel one, which was prettty funny btw. But the racial thing was not slander, it was used respectfully, I could've used the pope, or a priest, or a preacher, or any type of church figure if that would've been preferable(not tryin to be an idiot about this).

But Theres two blonds on each side of a river. One shouts to the other "How do u get to the other side?!"

The other one yells over "You are on the other side!"
 
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A blond is driven down the highway and starts swirving. A cop puls her over and asks whats wrong. She says she was trying to avoid a tree. The cop asks what tree. She then points to a tree shaped air freshener hanging on her rearview miorer.
 
lol

(all jokes are strictly for fun. I am not making fun of blondes, so dont read this if youll be offended by it)


How many blondes does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
11. one to hold the lightbulb, and 10 to move the ladder.

The Boogeyman, Frankenstein, and a SMART BLONE are walking on a sidewalk when they see a 10 dollar bill. Who picks it up?

Noone. The boogeyman and Frankenstein dont exist, and theres no such thing as a smart blonde.
(no offense to any blond on the gym)
 
The tooth fairy, Santa Claus, an Honest Lawyer, and a girl scout are walking down the the street and a $100 bill blows by, who gets it?

The girl scout, because all the rest are mythical creatures......

(no offense to any lawyers)
 
You could simply replace the stereotype (e.g. blonde) with an unreal word we all agree upon (e.g. zork).
 
Sorry about the blonde joke, that was stupid. Here's another try:

Sleeping Beauty, Tom Thumb, and Quasimodo were all talking one day. Sleeping Beauty said, "I believe myself to be the most beautiful girl in the world."

Tom Thumb said, "I must be the smallest person in the world."

Quasimodo said, "I absolutely have to be the ugliest thing in the world."

They decided to go to the Guinness Book of World Records to have their claims verified. Sleeping Beauty went first and came out looking deliriously happy.

"It's official, I AM the most beautiful girl in the world,"

Tom Thumb went next and emerged triumphant, "I am officially the smallest person in the world."

Sometime later, Quasimodo came out looking confused and said, "What's a Feebas ?"
 
A lady goes into a bar with her goose. Then the bartender comes up to her and says, ''Why did you have to bring the pig in with you?''

Then the lady answered, ''Excuse me, I think this is a goose.''

And the bartender says, ''Excuse me, I was talking to the goose.''
 
Here's one a friend told me. Yah, it's another blond joke.

A trucker is driving down the road when a blond in a cherry red convertible cuts him off. Angrily, the trucker pulls up beside her and tells her to pull over. The blond pulls over to the side of the road while the trucker does the same and gets out.

The trucker takes a piece of chalk and tells her to get out, she does. He draws a circle around where she's standing and tells her NOT TO MOVE. Anyway, he takes a rock and hammers in the windshield of the car. He hears a giggle coming from the blonde. Fustrated, he takes a knife and slashes the tires, he hears another giggle. So, he takes the rock and wails on the body of the car, the blond is laughing out loud. In a complete rage, he tears up the upholstry of the car, tearing the seats, beating up the dashboard, the blond is laughing even more. He finally goes to her and asks, "why are you still laughing?"

The blond replies, "every time you turned around, I stepped out of the circle."
 
Umm Pokemom most GOOD jokes are sexual/religous ect. ect. And what's the point of having a topic with all bad jokes? I have a good one but it is most definatly religous. If you are easily offended by raciast/sexual/relisous jokes don't look in this topic. And if we can't don't look anyway since there won't be any good jokes. My 2 cents.
 
Ancient Pokemon Trainer said:
Umm Pokemom most GOOD jokes are sexual/religous ect. ect. And what's the point of having a topic with all bad jokes? I have a good one but it is most definatly religous. If you are easily offended by raciast/sexual/relisous jokes don't look in this topic. And if we can't don't look anyway since there won't be any good jokes. My 2 cents.
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Um, saying that makes this more likely to get closed. think about it. Bonde joke are ok, especially since I am blonde and have moments.

Q: What do you call a bunch of blondes in the refrigerator?
A: Frosted Flakes

Q: What do you call a bunch of blondes at the bottom of a pool?
A: An air bubble

A blonde that happens to be an executve at a big company is driving along a country road. She sees another blonde in a rowboat rowing away in the dirt. The driver pulls over, furious. She screams, "It is morons like you that give us blondes a bad name!" After thinking 3 seconds she exclaimed "And if I had a boat I'd row over there and knock some since into you!"

a blonde decides she needs to make some money fast so she decideds to kidnap a kid in the park. She finds a kid and grabs him. She writes the note: "I have your kid, Please leave $10,000 in a bag under the oak tree in Acacia Park if you ever want to see him again! Signed, A blonde" She then sends the kid home with the note to give to his mom. The next day the blonde returns and sees a bag under the tree. Inside is a note and $10,000. The note reads "How could you do this to a fellow blonde?"
 
Ancient Pokemon Trainer said:
Umm Pokemom most GOOD jokes are sexual/religous ect. ect. And what's the point of having a topic with all bad jokes? I have a good one but it is most definatly religous. If you are easily offended by raciast/sexual/relisous jokes don't look in this topic. And if we can't don't look anyway since there won't be any good jokes. My 2 cents.
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I suggest you read the 'Gym posting rules, which everyone agreed to follow when posting here:
Inappropriate Material in Posts
There is a filter set to edit out inappropriate language. There are many ways around that, but we ask you to keep it clean so all ages can enjoy these Boards. Masking words using tricks like substituting an @ for the letter a, or abbreviating an inappropriate phrase, or intentionally misspelling to get around the auto-censor is considered to be just as bad as using the actual word. Derogatory comments aimed at an individual or individuals are considered FLAMING and are not allowed. Having fun with your posts is important, but all things can be carried to extremes...
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So, instead of telling others to 'not look' if they 'don't like' the posts--don't post if you can't/don't want to follow the board rules.

'mom
 
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skarmory777 said:
But the racial thing was not slander, it was used respectfully...
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Slander is spoken, libel is written.

Ok, I heard this one today:

What's the difference between a teacher and a train?
One tells you to "spit it out," the other tells you to "chew, chew, chew."

It's so cheesy, it's funny!
 
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lol. Well I mean't libel, GOSH! lol.

*A rather large, obnoxious woman keeps yelling at her son who I am playing in a pokemon match.*

COME ON TIMMY YOU CAN BEAT HIM!

*After the match*

WHY'D U GO AND BEAT MY TIMMY LIKE THAT?!?!(As well as other things)

*Me very annoyed at this point*

Ma'am your son was afraid of the big bad wolf, are you afraid of the big bad wolf?

"No, Why?"

Oh that's strange because the other two pigs were.

HAHAHA! this lady was really annoying and she really was rather....large.
 
Skarmory, did that really happen?

Ten blondes are hanging onto a cliff, one hanging onto the the one obove them's legs. Hanging onto the last blonde is a brunette. The one at the top says, "If one of you lets go, I can pull us all up." After a moment of akward silence, the brunette says with a choke, "I'll let go." The ten blondes clap for her bravery.
 
Yea she was really gettin on my nerves, it was a prerelease and this undefeated nine year old named something(Iused timmy) had to play me in the final round. I killed him. His mom got really upset and I told her it was just a game(he still got 1st in his division) and that she needed to chill out. she keeps yellin and I'm rather polite asking her to calm down, and then she goes into name calling, so I broke out my names.lol.
 
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