Pokémon TCG: Sword and Shield—Brilliant Stars

Pokemon Forever

C

chandude

New Member
Follow the exciting quest of the young Crails Rider,as he works through his quest to become a pokemon champion.


---------- Post added 10/16/2011 at 07:16 PM ----------

Chapter 1= a new beginning
As the sun rises awakes a young boy."Today's the day!"he says.This boy is Crails Rider,and today's his 10th birthday. You see,when a child turns 10,they are entitled to become a pokemon trainer. Crails bolted out the stairs to see and excited mother."Happy birthday my little caterpie!"she says,hugging him tightly."So,today your gonna leave and grow up,"
"Mom,"he said,retreating."Don't put it like that.I'm gonna be fine." Crails quickly grabbed his bag(which contained all of the necessities he needs for his journey),and jolted out the door and into a quiet Viridian city.
At that moment,he spots his best friend,Amy,eagerly waiting for him at the entrance to route 1."Took ya long enough,"she mumbled. Amy has been Crails' friend ever since they were toddlers. She is a very good person,and everyone in town loves her,but she does have that sort-of eager,annoying personallity. Her dream is to become a pokemon breeder. "Alright,"Crails said."I'm coming."
Crails and Amy walked through route 1 slowly,trying not to disturb any wild pokemon,and into pallet town. "This is the very town where my influence grew up," he said quietly. He remembered when he was little, he saw a program on his television. It was of a young boy,like him now but older,battling against the current champion at that time. To his suprise,the young boy won,and since then,he knew he wanted to be like that young boy.
Crails and Amy quietly strolled to the professor's lab,only to find another boy waiting at the side of the building.He looked young,like crails,except he way dressed way more fancier than crails.He had a book in his hand,and was quite into it. "Um, Hi!" Amy said,trying to engage conversation."Hi,"the boy said,not even looking up."You starting your adventure too?"Crails asked."yes,"he said,again,not looking. "Are you-"
"Do you mind?"the boy finally looking up."I'm reading,"he said,pointing to his book.As crails quickly examined,it was a textbook that was titled"Basics of Pokemon". Crails quickly remembered that he too studied many times before,so he understood. At that moment,Amy was about to tell the boy off,but a man in a lab coat approached the 3."Hello,"he said."My name is professor Oak.Welcome to the world of Pokemon."

Chapter 2= a rival and a friend
professor Oak led the 3 into his lab.The lab was packed with computers and busy assistants on them.Books were scattered on the floor,and a long table of pokeballs crowded the walls.Professor lectured the 3 about pokemon basics and history.Crails already knew this,because he studied,and it seemed the boy had too.Amy was Listening diligently. After the lecture, the professor gave the 3 a test about pokemon,to be sure they knew what they were doing.Crails and the boy passed with flying colors,while Amy barely passed,but she seemed proud,so Crails didn't say anything. Then the moment of truth arrived,the time to pick a starter pokemon.
Professor Oak carried 3 pokeballs to a table. "These are your starter pokemon," he went on."We are proud to have a variety of pokemon form vast regions." The pokeballs were labled: Torchic,Snivy,and Squirtle. Crails has been selected to pick first.He carefully thought about which one he wanted."I choose Torchic," he said with a stern voice.Next it was Amy's turn to decide."I choose Squirtle!" she said with no thought. "And i guess I choose Snivy,"said the boy. "So its been decided,"professor Oak said. He went over to a back room,and brought back 3 pokedexes.He handed one to each of them.'These are special pokedexes,the national version.It can hold many information of all pokemon." The 3 stood in awe."I wish you best of luck on your journeys."Professor Oak said as he led the 3 out.
"So anyway,what's your name?"she asked the boy,but he dissapeared."Um,that was weird,"she said akwardly. The 2 started for route 1,their first route on their new adventure. -to be continued-
 
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Chapter 3= a heroic deed
As Crails and Amy crossed along route 1,they whitnessed a rare event.Two different wild pokemon were battling amongst themselves.Crails remembered from his studying that one of them,the smaller one,was a Caterpie. He knows that because that is what his mom calls him.He didn't recognize the other one though.It looked a lot stronger than the caterpie.Thats for sure."I don't want the little one to feint," Amy said,sheading a tear.Crails sighed,and then remembered,He could fight.With no hesitation,he called out his brand newTorchic."I guess this can help my pokemon," he said.
Crails commanded the Torchic to help the Caterpie. The torchic flung itself at the target using it's only attack,tackle. It seemed effective. The opponent may have been stronger than Caterpie,but torchic had a small advantage. Also, the opponent looked like a grass type,so torchic had a type advantage as well. The battle was close, but Torchic had the final attack,and the opponent fled. "Good job!" Amy said. "Lets keep going."
Crails and Amy continued on back to viridian city,leaving the Caterpie in awe. -to be continued-
 
Chapter 4= a crisis at hand
As Crails and Amy walked through the entrance of Viridian city once more, they knew something was wrong. People were running all over, terrified over something, but Crails and Amy didn't know. "What's happening?" Crails asked a passing civilian. "They're back!" he said scaredly. "Who's back?" Crails said. The man took them to the site of the trouble. in the crouded open field next to the local gym, he spotted an extravagent battle. Suprisingly, he noticed one of the 2 was the boy from earlier. He didn't seem to recognize the other though. The man was dressed as if in a uniform.
Many people around him were wearing the same. By now, everyone fled,except the boy,the man,Amy, and Crails. amy was so scared though, she fled as well. The boy's pokemon took one final blow, and he quickly called back his pokemon to make a clean escape. Before the man started after the boy, he spotted Crails. "You," he said. "You're perfect." He called out his pokemon that was battling with before. "Sleep powder," he said calmly. All of a sudden, Crails dropped to his knees, and on the ground. He blacked out. All he heard was a creepy laugh, followed by the man saying "The boss will be pleased..." -to be continued-
 
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Chapter 5= The discovery
As Crails awoke, he found himself inside a dark room. It was filled with many sounds of technology, and it felt rather cramped. All of a sudden, the lights Flashed on. No one was around him, but he heard a robot-like voice. "Hello," the voice said. "You have been selected for our organization,"
At that moment, a giant screen surrounded Crails. On that screen, he saw pictures of many pokemon."These are a huge variety of pokemon to choose from,"the voice went on. "You are required to select one for your main pokemon to use during your time here." Crails then noticed that his bag was mysteriously gone. "Who are You?" Crails asked slowly. "I am your leader," the voice said. "Go ahead and pick your pokemon!"
Crails carefully studied the pokemon. There really is a lot of pokemon to choose from,Crails examined. Of the pokemon available, he wanted to find a well balanced looking pokemon, since he didn't know what was going to happen next. Then he thought about choosing a young pokemon,so he can get along with it. He then knew what he wanted. "I choose Eevee," He said pointing to its picture. "OK then," the voice said,then the screen dissapeared and a pokeball rose from the floor. The room suddenly lit up to an auditorium-like room. There was a small stage with sillouettes of 2 people behind a curtain. The curtain rose to the people. Both of them were wearing similar uniforms to the guy he saw earlier.
"Hello there," one of them said in a sarcastic-like voice.He could tell it was a girl. The spotlight flashed onto the 2."We are your new mentors.Welcome to team Rocket."
"Why am I here? What do you mean 'mentors'?" Crails asked furiously. "The boss said you got potential," the guy spoke. "So you're here to be in team rocket."
"Who are you? Who's this 'boss'?" Crails continued.
The 2 posed. "I'm Rosie,"The girl said."And i'm Pluto!" he interrupted. "The boss prefers to be unnamed," Pluto said with a smirk."Follow us," Rosie commanded, and Crails had no other choice but to obey. They opened the large door,and led Crails down to a room soon to be his. -to be continued-
 
Chapter 6= a new, new beginning
Rosie and Pluto led Crails down some hallways. They looked somewhat like a hospital's hallway would, with doors on many sides. They led him into an elevator, up many floors, and to a set of rooms in a square formation with his room being in the middle.
His room was small and empty, except that it had normal necessities. it had a confortable looking bed, next to a bedside table with a phone and a lamp. Across the room was a small bathroom and an empty closet. He looked briefly out the window. It was of a nice view over an open pokemon battle field, along with a partial view of the pokemon park residing next door.
"This is where you'll be living," Rosie explained. Pluto went to the empty closet across the room and came out with a set of clothes. "This is your uniform," he said. "Put it on and come downstairs when you're ready," Rosie and Pluto stumbled out the door, leaving crails all alone. He went quietly to his bathroom to try on his uniform. he came out looking just like the others, black and white, carrying many symbols of team rocket.
Crails sat down on his bed and called out his new Eevee. It studied Crails all over. Crails then thought about his torchic. He thought that it must have went with Amy when she left. "Amy..." Crails thought. "She must be worried as ever."
{MEANWHILE IN VIRIDIAN CITY }
The croud of citizens, along with Amy and professor Oak, gathered around the pokemon center. The croud was in an uproar, very nervous about team Rocket, and Crails. "Everything is going to be fine," A police officer tried to calm the croud. "What if they come back?" a citizen exclaimed. "What should we do? Fight back?" another exclaimed. Amy and professor Oak managed to break from the croud. "Is Crails ok?" Professor Oak asked. "I don't know," Amy said sadly. "He was battling one of them, and then I got scared and ran inside the pokemon center." They then spotted Crails' Torchic, quietly trudging out behind the center."He looks weak," Professor Oak examined. "Lets take it back to the lab, where it's less crouded."
-To be continued-
 
Chapter 7= the training begins
Crails left his small room into a large, quiet corridor. No one seemed to be around at the time. He quickly trailed downstairs into a fancy looking lobby. It was much different than it was upstairs, crouded with many people. He spotted Rosie and Pluto and they led him outside. "Lets begin your training," Rosie said. She called out her pokemon, a beautiful looking delcatty. "What are you waiting for?" she said sarcastically. "Call out your pokemon and fight!"
Crails quickly called out his Eevee and the fight began. Crails didn't exactly know what moves his Eevee had, so he just commanded it to use tackle over and over. It seemed to be effective, for the match was very close, but Crails had the victory. Then it was Pluto's turn. He called out his Luxio. This fight was also close, but Pluto was the winner of this battle. "Clearly you have more training to do," Rosie laughed. "But, that will do for today."
Crails hurried quietly upstairs back to his room, for it was getting dark outside. He got ready for bed, then quietly stared out the window until he quietly fell asleep. -to be continued-
 
Chapter 8= The mission
Professor Oak slowly paced across the lab. "So? How is Torchic?" Amy asked. "He seems ok," professor Oak said."although, i'm still trying to figure out what happened. Why would team rocket attack at a time like this."
"And why would they take Crails?"Amy interrupted. They thought about it in a long silence.
"I know," Professor Oak exclaimed."Amy, you have to find Crails."
"Are you crazy? I can't do this alone!" Amy exclaimed.
Professor Oak sighed."Well, I would call my grandson, but he's far off on his journey now. What about that third guy that was with you?" Amy scowled. They knew that Amy didn't like that guy. "well," Amy sighed."If he's the only one that can help me... I have no choice."
Professor Oak gave Amy a map of the region. "He souldn't be far," Professor Oak explained.
"Good luck." he said. Amy gathered her stuff, and left to find the boy she was looking for, if she ever wanted to find Crails.
-to be continued-
 
Miamisportsfan45 said:
Maybe it's just me, but the Chapters seem a bit short... :/
Click to expand...

Brevity is the soul of wit, as they say (at the very least, bite-sized chapters are easier to read casually than some other lengthy fanfics on this forum, which includes my own). According to his profile, he's 13, and to be honest this isn't really that bad for a 13-year old. The grammar could use work but the actual story is probably better than what I was writing when I was that age.
 
thanks for the feedback :)
I'll do my best to make the chapters longer, but I just don't want to fit too much in one chapter. I like the feel of suspense, and it keeps the readers wanting to come back to find out what happens next.To be honest, I was just writing what first came to my mind in the pervious chapters. I guess I should add more detail or something to make the chapters feel longer. I'll use this approach in the upcoming chapters, and again, thanks for reading :D
 
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Chapter 9=New friends
Today at the Team Rocket headquarters, the new members were going to get assigned to starting squad locations. Crails enetered a large room with many different people. He instantly spotted a person that stood out from everone else in the croud. It was a girl, about the same age as he was. She had long brown hair and shining blue eyes. Of course, everyone was wearing the same, bland uniform. At that moment, he knew he was going to have a crush on her. As he was about to talk to her, they were rudely interrupted by Rosie and Pluto, along with other former members of Team rocket. "Each of you will be officially assigned to your mentors," one said. Everyone remained silent as they continued. "You will be paired up in groups of three and be assigned accordingly."
The assignments began. Crails was very anxious. He wanted to be paired up with that girl with the shiny blue eyes. He didn't get the girl's name, so thats all he had thought of for her to go by. Sadly, she got assigned to a different member, a very tall,tan-looking guy. Ironically, Crails got Rosie and Pluto as his mentors, along with 2 others.
1 was a girl, about the same age as he was, but a little younger looking than he was. Her name was Crystal, and she said she was from Saffron city.The pokemon she chose was an igglybuff. The 2nd was an older looking guy by the name of Joseph. He is from the Unova region, sent from over the seas. He said he wanted to explore the older regions, and that he wanted to see new pokemon, so he chose to transfer from Unova to Kanto.His Pokemon was a new looking shinx. After everyone was assigned to their mentors, the new members switched rooms so that they were closer to the people in their group. His new room still looked exactly the same as his old one, but he called out his Eevee to study the new room. Pluto and Rosie said their first mission would start the next day, so they needed to get some rest until then. Crails studied the new view of his room, similar to the one before, but it was on a higher floor, so he had a marvelous view of the front fields of the headquarters and out to the city infront of him. -to be continued-
 
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Chapter 10=A new assignment
Crails made sure to wake up super early the next day, so he could be prepared for his first assignment. He got ready for the day and waited out in the hallway for Crystal and Joseph. They must of had the same idea as Crails, because they came out shortly after.The 3 slowly made their way down the long staircase, and into the quiet lobby. There they found Rosie and Pluto waiting by the doorway."Okay,listen up," Rosie said. "Today is gonna be a long, exausting day for you,so I expect you got a good night sleep."
Rosie and Pluto told the 3 about their assignment for the day. Their mission was to go into the city undercover and find out about anything major going on. Sounds pretty easy, they thought. Basically, they just had to just regularly and hang out in the city. They went upstairs to get their clothes and their pokemon, and then they left the headquarters and entered the city.
Not much was happening in the city. Crails, Joseph, and Crystal found a good spot to wait. They sat near a local park in the middle of the city. They sat quietly and watched many people go by. Things were starting to get quiet, too quiet, so the gang chose to move to another spot. They chose to stay in a nearby pokemon center. they called out their Eevee, Igglybuff, and Shinx to give them a chance to have some fresh air. As the pokemon were socializing, they finally saw some action. Outside the center, they heard a pokemon battle going on. They quickly ran outside to see the most suprising thing. Crails saw the girl with the shiny blue eyes from earlier, and her group cheering her on, battling a mysterious group wearing similar uniforms, but not like the ones that team Rocket wears. These uniforms were dark blue and yellow.
The battle was intense. The girl with the shiny blue eyes was battling with a Charmander while the other guy was using an Ivysaur. They already knew the outcome of the battle because they knew that Fire-type pokemon were effective against Grass-type pokemon. The opponent knew it too, because as they were about to lose, they quickly retreated and ran away. Crails, Crystal, and Joseph walked over to the other group. "What happened?" Crails asked the girl.
"I don't know," she said. "We were patrolling the outskirts of the city, when we saw these guys messing with a few, trainers."
Another girl continued. "We went over to break it up, but we ended up battling them instead. The trainers got away safely though."
Joseph checked his watch."It looks like its about time all of us got back to the headquarters," he said. The 2 groups got their pokemon and other belonginga together, and headed towards the headquarters. -to be continued-
 
You're doing a great job at this so far, especially if this is your first go at writing something like this! I really like the fact that you did something different from most Pokémon fanfiction where the main character (just about always a Mary Sue) just catches Pokémon and defeats Gyms, which to be frank is really bland.

However, there are two small things that I think you could improve on to make this story even better.

The first is your grammar and spelling which, while I don't expect a 13-year old to have perfect grammar, sometimes makes the story a bit hard to read. To get rid of this small problem easily, try writing your chapters in a word processor with a built-in spellchecker (like Microsoft Word) and your story should look a lot nicer and be easier to read.

Secondly, I'd like some more suspense in your story. Having the main character enroll in Team Rocket against his will is a good idea, but as it's looking right now he doesn't seem to mind being part of Kanto's biggest crime syndicate. Try and imagine you were in the main character's shoes - what'd you feel? Would you be filled with hate for the villainous team who forced you to join them, or would you maybe see them as a helping hand in your quest to become the League champion? What I'm looking for is less of "he did this, and then he went and did that" and more "he couldn't stand what the Rockets were doing to the Pokémon he cared for so much".

I think these two changes will make your story all the more compelling and thrilling to read!
(Oh, and don't think I don't like your story - it's brilliant so far, and a lot better than what I could write at your age. Just don't give up and keep writing and improving, and this fanfic will turn out amazing!)


To further show you what I mean, I went ahead and rewrote the first part of Chapter 1 with added formatting and some more filler descriptions:

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Chapter 1: A New Beginning

As the sun rises over the faraway Kanto region, Crails Rider slowly sits up with a groan before realizing what day it is and jumping out of bed, his legs taking him as fast as he can down to the living room.

“Today’s the day. Today’s when I finally become a Pokémon trainer!” the young boy whispers excitedly to himself as he runs down to meet his mom. You see, when a child turns 10, they have the right to become a Pokémon Trainer and take on the Pokémon League challenge.

When Crails reaches the bottom of the stairs, he’s greeted by the warm and familiar sight of his mother, standing with open arms and a breakfast fit for a king beside her.

“Happy birthday, my little Caterpie!” she exclaims happily, hugging him tightly. “So I guess today’s the day when my little boy’s going to grow up and go out on an adventure, then…” she says with the tiniest bit of melancholy in her voice.

“Mom,” Crails responds, taking a step backwards. “Don’t worry, I’ll be fine.” He sits down at the living room table and starts munching on the huge meal he has before him.

“Oh, but you’ll at least call often, right?” Crails’ mom responds as she packs his trusty backpack with everything he might need on the quest he’s about to undertake.

“Of course I will, so stop worrying already!” Crails finishes off the last bite of his toast and reaches for his backpack across the table. Heading out the door, he waves goodbye to his mom while thinking of the huge adventure he’s going on, the friends he’ll meet and the Pokémon he’ll catch.

And he turns his back on Mom waving in the doorway as he heads into the peaceful and breezy Viridian City morning.

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(Of course, this is done in my personal writing style and it's something I just wrote up in 10 minutes, so excuse the terribleness of it. But you should at least get a good idea of what I mean with this.)
~Akane
 
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Thanks so much for your feedback.
I'll try my best to include better grammar and fix and spelling errors in upcoming chapters.
And as for the suspense, there's a reason for that.
So far, Crails doesn't realize how evil Team Rocket actually is yet, for he hasn't seen them do anything evil, except for the scene in Viridian city. All he knows is that he's been "chosen" for the mysterious organization known as Team Rocket. He's too scared and confused to do anything else, but to follow the orders of his mentors. I was going to get to a point in the story where Crails would find out the truth about Team Rocket. I guess I didn't really make that clear throughout the previous chapters. Again, thanks for the feedback and i'll do my best in upcoming chapters. :)
 
Chapter 11= The Clueless traveler
Amy searched all over Kanto region for Crails and the mysterious boy. Everyone that has ever met Amy knew that she was very determined to anything she does. She cluelessly wondered around, unaware of where she was at the moment. "No!" she exclaimed. "I'm lost!"
Amy carefully examined her surroundings. She finally found out from a stranger that she was in Viridian forest. Amy pouted in depression. She didn't make any progress at all! Then she suddenly had an idea. This would be a perfect opportunity to catch some new Pokemon. She felt she needed a good team of Pokemon to assist her in what would be waiting ahead for her. Amy called out her squirtle, healthy and ready for battle. Together, they walked quietly along the path. She then saw a Pokemon she knew she wanted. She pulled out her pokedex and discovered that it was a Pidgey. "Awww," she said. "Its so cute!"
She ordered her Squirtle to use water gun on that Pidgey. The pokemon instantly engaged in battle. By watching the pidgey battle Squirtle, Amy knew it didn't have many moves. As the battle was coming to a close, Amy quickly threw her pokeball at the Pidgey. She waited anxiously for the pokeball to move back and forth several times, then "Click!". Amy has sucessfully captured the Pidgey. She proudly called her new Pidgey out to give it a potion. The Pidgey calmly rested on Amy's shoulder. Amy cheered, as she knew she officially caught her first wild pokemon. With her pokemon by her, she fearlessly marched across the Viridian path. -to be continued-
 
Chapter 12= A small Suprise
After a well deserved rest, Crails was getting ready for the day. All of a sudden, he heard a small noise coming from his backpack. He had no idea what it was. He slowly and cautiously opened his bag, and to his suprise, an actual Pokemon popped out of the bag. Crails bounced back against the wall in shock. The pokemon let out its small cry and crawled out of the bag and onto the bed. As Crails adjusted himself, he saw that the pokemon was a Caterpie! "How did you get in there, little guy?" Crails said, petting the Caterpie on the head. He suddenly remembered the time he first saw a Caterpie. He remembered how Amy and he had saved a Caterpie from the wild pokemon. that was his first official Pokemon battle. It couldn't have been the same one from before, could it? The Caterpie crawled over to Crails' bag and pulled out a pokeball. The Caterpie wanted Crails to capture it. He didn't see why not. Crails threw the pokeball, and the Caterpie was caught without a hesitation. Just then, the Caterpie popped out of the pokeball. Crails tried to throw the ball again, but the Caterpie blocked it. The Caterpie didn't want to remain in a Pokeball. Instead, the Caterpie took a resting position on Crails' shoulder. Crails had to think for a minute. He liked his new Pokemon, but how will he take care of a Pokemon that doesn't want to be in its pokeball? And how will he do his assignments?
-To be continued-
 
I really enjoy reading this, i love that its in short bite-size slivers. Although i've not read the whole story more than once, it seems to be abit passive. (not sure if thats the right word) I agree with the previous poster about the, 'and then this happened and then they did this..etc' try adding more detail into how they're done. Like how did the caterpie block the ball?

anyway, keep up the good work!
 
Attention readers:
I'm sorry i haven't been posting as much as I usually do. I've been pretty busy with homework and other stuff. Not to mention, I am having a bad case of Writer's block. I will post more chapters soon, but not as frequent as I usually do. Thanks to my loyal readers for providing me with feedback about my fanfic, and there will be more chapters to come. :thumb::pokeball:
 
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