Pokémon TCG: Sword and Shield—Brilliant Stars

Pokemon Naranja: ANF- May discontinue...

I'm ready. 29, here we come. Note, I already have 30-31 written, too.


Chapter 29: Catastrophe on Ruogun Lake

Smog Base at Mt. Flame
____________________


A silver shadow raced over the white waters of a waterfall and entered a shaft in the Mt. Flame base.
The small S on the tail gleamed in the intense sunlight.

Triton was first to step off the plane. "Come on, you." He dragged Shandon, riddled with rope around
the midsection, and turned on the landing rail.

Narcissus casually waltzed off, taking his time. "Don't get pushy, Triton. I have the same power as
Brodie in this organization."

Shandon frowned. "I bet..." He was hoping Narcissus hadn't heard him.

As they approached the terminal exit, a team of aviation scientists flocked through an elevator. The
lead one stammered. "I was tracking your plane's flight route, and something was riding the
turbulence! Look!"

He held up a camcorder attached to a laptop and entered "Play" on the screen. A video of the flight
graph appeared, followed by a clip of live footage from the unknown object. A snake-like dragon was
swerving through the air currents, along with two boys, one white, one black, upon it.

Narcissus glared at the screen. "Caleb."

Triton now stood attentively, staring at the same thing. "Wow."
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Upper Corridors of Smog Base
_________________________


Zakh panted heavily. "These halls don't go anywhere!" Koros and Zakh stood at an empty
intersection, Falcyber flapping by their side, and not knowing what to do.

Koros looked at the four hallways and sighed. "I know... Wait. You always know an exit by where wind
is loudest!"

Zakh looked at him awkwardly. "What're you talking about, Koros?"

"If we send wind down each of the four tunnels, the loudest echo is where the exit is!"

"I see. Falcyber, Whirlwind!" Falcyber flipped in the air and razed its wings back and forth to send
gaping columns of spiral winds into each corridor at speeds in excess of 75 mph. The swirling
updrafts willowed through the tunnels, sending wails and howls into every corner. The corridor to
the left of Zakh echoed the loudest.

Koros smirked. "There we are..."
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Skies above Route 244
___________________


Toxin spiraled through the air, Derrick and Caleb riding it. Its slender body whirled over updrafts to
pick up speed.

Caleb crossed his arms. "How much longer do you think we'll be?"

Derrick squinted below. "Almost at Quartzine Town. I'd say 15 minutes."

Caleb relaxed himself. "Great..." He thought. "Don't worry Shandon. We're coming."

Derrick imaginarely slapped a rein and Toxin looped, faster, through the sky.
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Smog Base Upper Chambers
________________________


Brodie's palm clutched a rail on a landing and eyed a monitor. Several gale-force blasts were
shaking the camera it was filmed on. "Should I?" He closed his eyes, then opened them again. He
turned to a microphone on the control board beside him. "X! Report to the upper chambers
immediately!"

Within seconds, a panting X came through the sliding door. "What?"

Brodie pointed to the monitor. "Go in there and teach our friends a little lesson!"

X shrugged. "Really? Two kids and their robotic bird?"

Brodie glared menacingly. "Do it."

X shrugged awkwardly. "Ok..." He walked slowly out of the door.

Brodie could hear the stomps being very close together in sound distance. "Lagger. I need to leave
him for dead one of these days." He rolled his eyes and walked out a door on the other side of the
room.
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Smog Base
_________


Narcissus stepped into a control room. "Activate the roto guns."

A grunt pushed a button and two cannons shifted into view beyond the glass wall. Two other grunts
stepped upon them and stood at the ready.

"When you see any snake-like Pokemon coming, shoot 'em down! Got it?" Narcissus shouted into
a speaker.

The grunts put their hands on the triggers. "Got it."

Narcissus smiled slightly. "Good. Now keep watch."

Triton stood and leaned on a wall beside Shandon. "Yeah, good whiff. I doubt grunts could take them
down." He mordantly coughed. "Lowly grunts."

Narcissus eyed him closely. "... Watch it."
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Ruogun Lake
___________


Derrick piloted Toxin low over the surface of the water and looked ahead. "Smog Base, dead ahead..."

Caleb opened an eye. "That's great... WHAT THE?! Look out!" He jumped over Derrick and swerved
Toxin to the side.

Derrick looked around in alarm. "For wha-" A wave of revolver bullets whizzing nearby answered his
question.

Caleb stared at the base. "They've got some heavy firepower." He winced slightly. "Both in artillery
and members. Not to mention Pokemon themselves."

Derrick agreed in a hurry. He looked up at the orange and red torture chamber, a volcano standing
solemnly behind it. "Right. That place is a deathtrap to be reckoned with."

"Definitely not for kids." Caleb sighed, though determined, and zipped Toxin farther into the hearth
of destruction.
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There's 29. Enjoy. 30 and 31 soon. -David
 
Ok, here's that review you asked for. =P

So I only read over the first few chapters on the page, so some of this may be inaccurate.

For the battling. I could use more description to make me happy, I read the attack names, but couldn't "see" what the Pokemon were doing or what the effect was. For example:

"Electivire! Thunderpunch!" Shandon called. Electivire jumped over a shockwave of rumbles, then
let loose a deft Thunderpunch, electrifying and disintegrating the oncoming tidal wave.
Click to expand...

You tell us that the tidal wave disintegrated, but how did it? Did it hiss and steam? Did it just vaporize? Basically, I'd like more showing and less telling. But at least your trainer's commands aren't interrupting the flow of the battle. Maybe have the paragraph with the Pokemon doing the attack in a new paragraph? (Yes, I'm saying it, like the battle one-shots that I did)

For the scene changes. I got confused. I'd rather see you do scene changes with only one or two places per chapter, not 4+. Make it a few chapters that focus specifically on those places. But that's just my personal preference there.

Within seconds, a panting X came through the sliding door. "What?"

Brodie pointed to the monitor. "Go in there and teach our friends a little lesson!"

X shrugged. "Really? Two kids and their robotic bird?"

Brodie glared menacingly. "Do it."
Click to expand...
I'd put the dialogue first, then the actions. But again, that's just me, I don't think that this is incorrect.

Um, what else... Again with the showing, not telling... Not too many grammar mistakes that I noticed, mostly dialogue that belongs in a new paragraph. You're using a good vocabulary for the most part.

alcyber flipped in the air and razed its wings back and forth to send
gaping columns of spiral winds into each corridor at speeds in excess of 75 mph. The swirling
updrafts willowed through the tunnels, sending wails and howls into every corner. The corridor to
the left of Zakh echoed the loudest.
Click to expand...

This is a good example of it. Although, shouldn't "razed" be "raised"? =P

Overall, this looks pretty good from what I've seen. Maybe I should start reading it, if my own writing/schoolwork doesn't keep me too busy.
 
Pikamaster said:
Ok, here's that review you asked for. =P

So I only read over the first few chapters on the page, so some of this may be inaccurate.

For the battling. I could use more description to make me happy, I read the attack names, but couldn't "see" what the Pokemon were doing or what the effect was. For example:



You tell us that the tidal wave disintegrated, but how did it? Did it hiss and steam? Did it just vaporize? Basically, I'd like more showing and less telling. But at least your trainer's commands aren't interrupting the flow of the battle. Maybe have the paragraph with the Pokemon doing the attack in a new paragraph? (Yes, I'm saying it, like the battle one-shots that I did)

I see. I'm working on that.

For the scene changes. I got confused. I'd rather see you do scene changes with only one or two places per chapter, not 4+. Make it a few chapters that focus specifically on those places. But that's just my personal preference there.

It helps the story cover places easily. I'm not sure about that.

I'd put the dialogue first, then the actions. But again, that's just me, I don't think that this is incorrect.

Understandable. I just flip-flop them.

Um, what else... Again with the showing, not telling... Not too many grammar mistakes that I noticed, mostly dialogue that belongs in a new paragraph. You're using a good vocabulary for the most part.



This is a good example of it. Although, shouldn't "razed" be "raised"? =P

Thanks on this one. I'm just a smart one for my age and like to do this. I'll change razed, but I think it can also mean up and down. Idk.

Overall, this looks pretty good from what I've seen. Maybe I should start reading it, if my own writing/schoolwork doesn't keep me too busy.
Click to expand...

Bolded answers, -David
 
Here's 30!


Chapter 30:Infiltration


Smog Base Upper Level
____________________


Zakh looked ahead, feet steadily treading the asphalt grounded hallway floor. "There we are, Koros!"
He pointed up towards the dimly brightened shaft. Koros cut ahead of Zakh and made a dash for the
lit exit sign at the end of the hall.

A loud thud screamed across the solidified hall spacing as Koros burst through the entrance,
shattering the wooden doors into hundreds of tiny splinters, due to that he kicked the door instead.
Zakh followed in, with Falcyber flapping ceaselessly behind like a broken wind-up toy. "What is this
place?" Koros's voice shattered the momentary silence and howled across the melancholized room.

Zakh scoped out the dreadfully claustrophobic-free room and sighed. "Nothing at all. Just a white
marble room with a chrome finish in a spiral up top." He pointed meaninglessly at the ceiling.

"I know." Koros seemed quite irritated.

Then, an unexpected banging noise echoed from the draperies, and someone dropped like a bolt
of lightning from the highest level onto to all fours, then stood up, breathing through his nose with an
unfazed smirk across his face. His red jacket encircled his upper body like a floatie vest, and black
Speedo-esque shorts, mainly for water activities, were down on the waist all to the knees.

"Master Brodie sent me down to take care of you. Frankly, I wouldn't really care, but I might as well
know the names of my victim or victims so I can officially name you in my status report." The tall
man, not hardly into his 30s, simply stated matter-of-factly.

Zakh stepped forward, squinting angrily, and threw out an arm in front of Koros. "Name's Zakh. Let's
go."

The man stood silently, then put his hand close to his waist like a hip rest. "...X."
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Smog Base Control Room
_____________________


Shandon leaned as he sat against a wall, confined to it by the rope enshrouding him. Triton stood
perfectly still next to him, arms folded, and occasionally turning to him. "So, how do you like what
you see? Watching your friends silenced and decimated one by one until the bitter end." He cackled
slightly. "It sure brings joys to my heart. Don't you agree?"

Shandon looked up at his grin, scoffed mordantly, and turned towards what if this were a TV show,
would be the camera. His eyes still never left Triton and his unbearable arrogance. "There's only
two." He seriously thought about tripping Triton, but decided against it. He remembered back to what
Triton's Swampert had done to Skag, Electivire and Torrano. Shandon winced more than Caleb this
time.

Triton ignored his comment as if it were small funnel of smoke coming out of a chimney while it was
snowing, completely unheard, and dismissed it. He began to watch Narcissus, who was still constantly
pressing buttons on a dashboard like a control freak and shouting various orders into a microphone
as if he were the MC of a deathmatch. Outside, roto gun artillery fire rained into the god-forsaken
waters of Ruogun Lake.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ruogun Lake
___________


Caleb was on the back of Toxin, having switched again with Derrick, eyeing the roto guns cautiously.
His mouth was turned slightly down as a result. "No telling when they'll fire next, Derrick. They're
probably restocking ammunition into those hardcore catapult cannons."

Derrick slightly nodded, but kept his eyes on the torrent of flying sky-fire that dotted the otherwise
crystalline lake, apparently looking for assault patterns. "I guess so, but you never know what is
coming when it happens to come from Smog. No guessing on that one." Another high-flying round
passed on the far right, making Toxin jump and scrape the underside of a very outstretched tree
branch.

Derrick spat a mouthful of leaves behind him to talk. "It's a-okay, boy. Just focus on dodging the
gunfire, nothing else unless it's dire, while we get closer." he happily patted Toxin on the head, turning
Toxin's mood from frightened to enlightened.

"Quit it, Derrick!" Caleb shushed him, and Toxin shyed off the apparent purring. He heard the grunts
upon the cannons arguing non-stop. Probably about them. "Yep, there's no doubt upon me. Go, now!"
He nudged Derrick rather forcefully, making him instantly realize what to do when he saw what was
going on. He piloted Toxin into the trees, out of the grunts' viewing range.

Hopefully.
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Smog Base Transport Bridge
________________________


Cronus held a porceline railing with his hand, leaning, and looking, towards a seemingly lifeless area
of the Team Smog stronghold shrouded in cloaked and forbading darkness, scornful shades of grays
and blacks mixing into an apparently endless jet-black shade among which most adolescents would
turn and run for fear of being scooped up by the hands of the reaper, metal halberd in hand, and
dragged agonizingly towards the impending doom that lie in waiting for them in the farthest reaches
of the known cemetarial world. Better known as the dreaded mask of blinded darkness that lie far
beyond the hinterlands of the several thousands of lost souls that dare lay foot upon the ghastly
outcrop of doom facing towards them, smiling and cackling all to itself, and they'd find themselves
being grabbed and ceaselessly dragged back into the crevice of unspeakable and fear-inducing
dawn-to-dusk life transit from whence it came. He remained silent, still.

Alas, all this adjectizing was for naught, because what seemed to be a cargo bay appeared out of the
blackened space in front of him and a giant brown crate was air-lifted, by who and what remains to be
known, into the hold. Cronus stepped up a small stairpiece and tore off the lid with his hands only,
releasing a wave of searingly bright orange energy across the otherwise dark cargo hold. He folded
his arms contently, smiling at the orange and gray metallic rock fragment in the crate. "...5 out of 7."
Cronus's smile stayed that way for quite some time.
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Smog Base Control Room
_____________________


Narcissus stood patiently next to the control board, glaring at his idiotized masterpiece, the
arguing grunts. Finally, after several minuts of tolerating the toil, he couldn't tolerate it any longer
and essentially called it a farce, reaching for the microphone and blaring into it. "WELL?!"

The noise startled them so much, as well as breaking up their conversation, one grunt almost fell
off the platform. The one who didn't fidgeted with the one word question, then stuttered. "Umm...
well...umm..." He turned to look at the lake, then gasped as he turned back to face the man behind
the glass window. "They're gone!"

Triton closed his eyes in mock effort, then yawned and frowned slightly. "As I figured. Incompetent
fools..."

Narcissus slammed a fist on the dashboard, having no idea what he pressed, and barked harshly.
"Incapable idiots! Get it right next time, or else I'll drop you straight down the tunneling opening
of Mt. Flame!" A ripping sound cut his train of thought at the cable car. He turned around in
confusion, now staring at what looked like a grim melee scene opener. "Darnit, I unlocked the door!
Stupid dashboard!"

"Now, now, Narcissus. You should be more realizing of your henchmens' feelings." The grunts
behind him were smiling at that statement. "Also, the keyboard's." Shandon, ropes that entwined
him cut, was standing in the center of the room, with Derrick and Caleb right behind him.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Smog Base Upper Halls
____________________


Brodie walked solemnly across a carpet floored hall, deep in thought. "Who were those people,
anyways? Spies?" He had a hunch he was right. He also wondered if X had gotten to them yet, and,
more importantly, where was it that they had met. he certainly couldn't have them too close to the
central core of the stronghold palace Smog had built.

Just then, Cronus turned the corner in front of him. "Ah, Brodie." He stopped to cough, then continued.
"You will not believe this..." He held his palm out rifle-quick in speed, revealing an orange and gray
rock within it, wrapped in oilcloth.

Brodie's eyes glinted like a cobra's, and a sinister, malicious smile overtook the underside of his face.
He talked with a slither to his voice. "Number 5, eh?"
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Smog Base Grand Hall
___________________


X and Zakh stood squarely at opposite ends of the room, though still in the near middle as well. Koros
was off to the side, Falcyber next to Zakh's left leg.

Koros gulped, breaking the silence cast over the dreadful standstill they called a battle. "What now,
Zakh?"

Zakh kept his eyes focused on X like a hawk to its prey. "You go. I'll take on this guy. Go, Falcyber!"
Falcyber flew forwards and perched on the ground below it, nipping at its metallic feathers. Its beak
showed a reflection of the chrome art upon the ceiling on its metallized finish.

X reached and threw a PokeBall. "Let's go, Camerupt!" The ball he threw crisply aerialed through the
air.

Koros hesitated for a second, then made up his mind in a jolt. "Ok. Be careful..." He ducked between
the doors they had come through to begin with, right before Camerupt emerged from the ball.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

There's 30. Took me about 2 hours to write. Remember, I've got 31 ahead of time. -David
 
Last edited:
OK, I can't really say much about the actual story since I haven't read any of it until now, but there are some things I can point out.

"So, how do you like what
you see? Watching your friends silenced and decimated one by one until the bitter end." He cackled
slightly. "It sure brings joys to my heart. Don't you agree?"

That "H" should be lowercase. If you have "he said" or any variation of that where the next letter isn't the start of a name or "I said" or variations on that, it should always be lowercase.

"Their gone!"

That should be "They're".

Sorry if it seems I have nothing positive to say, I just don't have time to read the other 28 chapters, so I don't really know what the heck is going on. xD Your detail has improved, but there's one thing that you haven't discovered yet. Bring the emotions in your characters out more. Show how the emotion affect them physically and mentally, and what their re-actions are. It'll bring a bigger sense of reality, IMO. Give it a shot.
 
I'll try them, but I'm not one to do the former. Deviant, I am.

Meanwhile, here's 31. Hint: Something big happens here...


Chapter 31:Realized Wrongs


Smog Base Control Room
_____________________


A grim feeling overcast the silence upon the room. The grunts outside had fled into the base, though
no reason said why. Hardly anything could be heard outside the room, save the last of the artillery
raining into the waters of Ruogun Lake.

Narcissus, weary of what the trio of Shandon, Derrick, and Caleb were capable of, stepped back
without hesitation and rested his cold palms on the metal control board behind him. "H-How did
you-"

Derrick folded his arms and coughed, though Shandon knew it was meant. "Simply put, those grunts
of yours just wouldn't stop and look at what they missed. Easy passage."

"But... the scan gate."

Derrick smiled and pulled an item from each pocket: a key from the left, and a credit card from the
right. "Isn't it amazing what you can do with things like these nowadays?"

Triton slowly crept up from his dazed position next to the pole, cracking his knuckles. "So... You
want to play? Let's play rough!" He swung a powerful sidearm at the nearest of the three, Caleb,
at lightning-fast speed and hit his midsection, hurling him back against the wall.

Caleb winced heavily and clutched his ribs in pain. His face looked of the verge of exploding in
tears. "Ugggghhhhhh....." His midsection blistered red, he agonizingly raised himself off the ground
and slumped on the wall, though still standing, yet heavy with pain riddled upon his upper body.

Shandon turned away from that gruesome sight, though Derrick ran to his side, and made his move.
"Go, Garchomp!" The PokeBall flew like a small meteorite resisting the earth's atmospheric
pressure, then suddenly stopped halfway through its throw and zoomed back into Shandon's hand,
motionless.

"Narcissus, you incompetent. No wonder you're not worthy of being second-in-command here. I
might as well terminate you along with these three... Over Mt. Flame!!" Shandon turned around;
Derrick raised from Caleb's side, and Caleb struggled, but was able to lift his head through his pain.
Brodie, Smog's first-in-command, was standing in the entrance, busted metal door behind him,
extending his right hand awkwardly like a psychic. "Shandon, I'll give you credit for getting your
crew in here, but one thing's for sure. You aren't getting out."

Shandon looked at him questionably. "Umm... What do you mean, 'getting your crew in here',
because I didn't do anything. They were able to come here on their own."

Brodie raised an eyebrow in wonder. "What?!" His brain sparked and his attention whirred over
towards Narcissus. "Now my intentions with you are clear..." He disappeared briefly and reappeared
right in front of Narcissus, clutching his suit below the neck and leaning towards him. "I'm taking
you down, here and now, que pasa?" His fist finished off the statement for him as it slugged
Narcissus upside the head, sending him crashing into the window pane behind him, breaking it
and his hope of survival as he plunged into the waters of Ruogun Lake with a huge splash.

Shandon, Derrick and Caleb, with the last of them finally standing, watched it all unfold like a soap
opera, tuning into every second. Triton leaned over from behind his hiding spot, a pillar made of
marble, and gasped. They all muttered slowly in unison. "...Wow."
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Smog Base Wind Tunnel
____________________


Creeping hesitantly through a narrow air vent, Koros stopped and looked through the vents lining
the floors of it, spying several times grunts on patrol within the halls, admins filing paperwork
in their offices, and the execution chamber, a hot climate room with a boiling furnace where several
of Team Smog's victims lay in smoldering wreckage heaps. One man had a belt with a latch on it.
An opened PokeBall hung from the ceiling above the carcass, with a note attached to it by a string.
Koros could only make out "Ca_e_, tak_ this _nd run, my _on. S_og is comi_g! -Bria_".

Later on, he passed over a hallway on the upper floors. A gray-haired man with an orange and gray
rock wrapped in a strange luminous oilcloth in his right palm walked rather speedily under him.

The man snickered lightly. "The look on Brodie's face was priceless. Just wait un- What?"

Koros crashed into him after he jumped from the vent above them, sealant landing on the floor with a
clang. "Give me that!" He flailed several times with his arms before knocking the stone out of the
man's hand and into his own. "Yes!!" A loud, thunderous rumble then shook the corridor; Koros
landed off balance and dropped the stone, sending it tumbling down the hall. The man lifted Koros
off of him and dashed rather quickly, for an old man, anyways, after the rock down the now-leaning
hallway. Koros struggled to get up because of the constant shaking, but was able to catch up with
him shortly.

"Out of the way, small fry!" The man lashed out an arm; Koros ran right into his hand and shot back,
stumbling awkwardly onto the floor. His ankle heavily weighed him down now, and the man was able
to run off into the dark hallway after the stone.

Koros sighed. "Well, that was all for naught." He then looked over the railing he was surprised to be
leaning on and gasped. Hot, bubbling liquid sulfur oozed into a burrning lava pit below him.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Smog Base Grand Hall
___________________


Zakh got up from his crouched stance. Falcyber was breathing heavily, metallic wings tarnished by
searing red ash. X's Camerupt grinned, smoke pouring out of its twin volcanoes like a never-ending
lava cascade.

"So, how do you like that Eruption?" X cackled, crossing his arms defiantly. His grin never seemed
to leave his face for awhile.

Zakh smiled, then wiped his mouth with his sleeve. "Heh... Not bad. But watch this." He spread
his arms out to match Falcyber's wings. X spread his feet and braced himself. "Dagger Rain!"

Falcyber looped and rocketed over Camerupt, then let torrent a free-falling rain of mini-katana
blades, some as sharp as a samurai's sword, from its wings in a similar fashion as to mimic Ulter's
Stympherno. Camerupt sensed this as a potential Knock-Out attack and crouched down on all fours;
it spouted chunks of molten rock followed by a spray of lava from its backside. The rocks intercepted
most of the knives as they struck into the boulders before falling back into the volcanoes below them,
and the lava blocked the remaining daggers, sending them slightly off-target and into the tile
flooring, trapping Camerupt in a virtual minefield.

X slightly cringed, but maintained his calmness and shot out an arm. "Protect!" Camerupt stood up,
eyes closed; a green forcefield materialized out of the thin air around it and encircled Camerupt.
The spikes upon the ground were then shoved out of the way like a bomb repelling dirt as the
forcefield spread.

Zakh stepped back hesitantly, slightly frowning. "Darn. I was hoping that would work." He thought
for a moment. "Feint!" Falcyber dropped in altitude, dove, and swooped into the top of the shield,
fracturing and breaking it. Zakh held up an arm as if to say, "Score 1!"

X grinned more than ever now. It was apparent now that that was just what he wanted. "Vulcan
Barrage!" Camerupt looked up, saw that Falcyber was still gliding over the volcanoes, and let loose
a massive heat blast, searing Falcyber's chest plate gravely.

"Fool... Double Team." Zakh ordered. Falcyber, though in intense pain, vanished like a hologram
spread into nine different free-floating images around the room, some in the most bizarre of places.
One even was projected on the bottom of the floor like a video game glitch, showing that only its
head and wings were visible. The rest was hidden in the floor, so it obviously wasn't the real one.

X sighed, then smiled half-heartedly. "Digging your own grave, kid..." The blustering lava ricocheted
off the chrome-finish ceiling at perfect angles and trajectory and hit every clone of Falcyber, even
the one halfway in the floor, dead-on.

"Look again." Falcyber appeared under Camerupt's back suddenly. X's eyes grew wider, as did
Camerupt's as it saw what was about to unfold. "Sever Wing!" It took two galloping steps, right
wing glowing in a chaos black-and-white mix, and made a deft uppercut upon Camerupt's neck and
chin with bone-shattering force, causing it to rocket up towards the ceiling and back down, but it
did a somersault while falling and landed squarely on its volcanoes.

X panicked with his thoughts. "Oh no..." Camerupt's volcano closest to the neck, started glowing
orange and yellow inside and lifted off the ground slowly. "DON'T!"

Zakh wondered what he meant by that last word. "Don't what?" Camerupt answered his question
firmly when its upper body, stained in ashes from its own attacks and a sharp scythe through the
chin, courtesy of Falcyber's last attack, thrust forwards and up via the force of the volcano's
forceful push and came crashing down, head smashing into Falcyber prior to, and fainted, finally.
Falcyber slid backwards, grinding to an agonizing halt with its wing edges before slamming into the
wall of the room and falling as well.

"Falcyber, NO!!" Zakh ran over to it, clutching its body and rubbing its chest plate... Barely a
pulse, yet as faint as a katydid's call while a train goes by. Zakh slumped his head against Falcyber,
breathing harshly, and let rain a shower of tears. He turned slowly towards X and gulped. His
tone of voice was the harshest it had ever gotten to be. "Look at the spectacle of disaster you
created! Falcyber..." Zakh slumped his head once more and spoke that way. "Is almost gone...
AND IT'S BECAUSE OF YOU!!" He screamed, then cuddled Falcyber closer to him.

X wiped his eyes, something never thought he'd done before, and remained silent, looking off to the
side. "......................................" He gulped, then finally spoke in a quiet tone. "I know. I'm actually
questioning my own methods. Smog's, too. I'm not even sure if it's worth it now..." He looked at
the S on his jacket in slight disgust.

Zakh stopped crying and looked up in amazement. "W-What'd you say?"

X stood silent, head down. "...I'm starting to question Team Smog's motives. It all just seems
pointless now. Doing it seemed fun, but now, look. This is what made me realize it. I'm all wrong, it
seems..." He walked over and knelt by Zakh, staring at the Falcyber in his hands. "This. This is
the fruit of my labors. A true masterpiece... Of cruelness and selfishness. I am now in dreadful debt
to myself on the inside. I owe no one but myself my own mistakes, and now that that's all damage
dealt and damage done, I have nothing to remind myself of my former personality but regret for
what came afterwards... A life in Smog. Dreadful things, I tell you..."

Zakh was in awe of this. X finally seemed to be coming through to himself. Where it belonged. In his
heart. "What is it now?"

X patted him on the back, now with a heavy burden upon him. "I... Want to repay the debts I now
realize I owe. To right my wrongs. My misdoings. It's about time I carve my own path. Zakh, what I
want... Is a second chance!"

Zakh actually felt a mound of pity for X. 'He's finally come through...' He thought. 'But, should I
really trust him?' He hesitated with what to say. "... And?"

X smiled a sincere smile. Zakh couldn't doubt it anymore. He had changed. "I am defecting from
Smog. And, in return... May I join you?"

"Join me???"

X nodded in ernest. "Yes. There are many more people I owe my rites of forgiveness to. But you are
by far my main."

Zakh gave a smile in return, showing his belief in X. "... Sure."

And with that, X stood up and ripped his S from his jacket, throwing it on the ground in
front of him. "There's my proof." He helped Zakh up and picked up Falcyber, handed it to Zakh to
carry; even returned Camerupt. "C'mon, Zakh. We need to get out of here." He started for the door.

Zakh held out his free hand to signal X to stop. "Wait."

X turned his head. "What?" Zakh started, but X finished it for him. "Name's Joseph."
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Smog Base Control Room
_____________________


Brodie turned around, focusing his gaze on Shandon. "He's not dead. Just incapacitated, should I
say. He'll be back."

Derrick looked at the window that now lay in several shards of glass mess behind Brodie. "We won't
be around to see it, though." He unlatched a blue PokeBall from his belt. "Go, Heavern! Take
flight!" The ball unleashed the mystic halo dragon in a blinding flash of heaven's light that seemed
to hang in the air for several seconds. "Let's ride, guys!"

Shandon looked at Caleb. "Let's go!" All three hopped on Heavern's back without hesitation and a
cloud of dust transcendended below Heavern, reaching outwards like ripples in a pond. Its
wings flapped up and down as Heavern took off ithrough the shattered glass window.

Brodie turned and walked out of the room, eyes glinting, and stayed silent in his talk. Behind him,
Triton could see Heavern flying, then falling... down, down... crash.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

There. X, or Joseph, has a revelation. Enjoy, -David
 
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Did I really have to wait 10 days for a comment on this? I wouldn't know what part you say that about, but I'll say X's revalation.

32 is coming soon. Just getting my brain sorted out after everything that's been happening recently. -David
 
Wait, I didn't review chapter 31? Maybe I thought that 31 was the chapter that I reviewed when it was really 30... I'll get around to reviewing it sometime soon, I'm working on a few things myself. xD
 
Nice dude (saw X...well Joeseph crossing the line months before this, though he'll have a replacement...-goes and sends david a PM-)
 
Alright. Here's 32!


Chapter 32: New Alliance


Shore of Ruogun Lake
__________________


Her body was freezing. Coldly liquidating. Afte she'd finally done it, everything in her life had turned
for the worst. Her mom had died of leukemia, dad from a car crash, and grandma in a fire. She had
been involved with the wrong people, who had persuaded her to do this to herself, and was promptly
kicked out of school. Now, at age 16, nowhere is home for Caitlee "Sparks" Daith.

Caitlee leaned over the shore of Ruogun Lake, her face echoing into ripples as she dug her hands in
the water. She was crying heavily as she finally looked into the water at her reflection. "Look at
yourself, Caitlee! Ever since you got that snake, your life has been a downward spiral!" Caitlee
weeped much more and tossed her head, and her brown hair, back on one side, revealing what she
had been onto herself about. For now, only the left side of her head was visible. She had a grim reaper
tattoo and the one she hated herself for, the snake god, Typhon. Aside from her snake bites on her
lower lip, that was all we could see.

Her reflection then turned back to her, as she flipped her hair to the other side, exposing the right
side this time. One resembling a yeti, and a divine sword-esque tattoo. "I can't believe what
I've done, Caitlee. I'm a nobody now... But, there's one last thing I have to do." She whispered at
the lake, though it couldn't hear her. "I'm done with this world."

She inadvertedly pulled out a knife from her pocket and held it up within eyesight, golden sun
gleaming on the silver blade, and back onto her snake bites. She slowly closed her eyes and took
the knife straight parallel with her throat. "...It's the only way this infernal world is rid of me..."
Caitlee gulped harshly, drew back the knife, but was suddenly stopped. She peeked a look at what
was a human stopping her. "...What?"

"It'd be such a waste of time, Caitlee. I'm an outcast just like you..." A girl just her age was holding
her arm down.

"Very strong... For a blonde." Caitlee thought. She was truly blonde, hair tied in a ponytail. She wore
a gray-tee that ended above her navel, green khakis, and tennis shoes. Then Caitlee noticed
something about her: the skin. Her neck held a serpent that coiled straight round her neck. Her
arms, uncovered by the lack of sleeves, both wore giant heart tattoos with various quotes on love.
As Caitlee looked farther down, she noticed a multi-colored rainbow band going around her stomach,
and instantly knew her shirt was designed specifically to show it off. She wanted her ink rituals to
become known. "An outcast... Just like me." She finally spoke.

The girl smiled. "You betcha. I just want it to be noticed. You?"

Caitlee winced. "Well... I really am ashamed about what I have. Look." She pulled back her hair to
reveal the snake. "Ever since I got it, I've been in a heap of rubble. Now, the only mods visible at
first glance are my snake bites. I'm just too scared of what else they'll cause."

"It's okay, Caitlee. You can show them. I think they match your personality great." She took hold of
Caitlee's hair and folded the bangs back into a ponytail rather quickly. "Oh, the name's Brelyn.
Brelyn Hedlli."

Caitlee looked at her when she had said her last name. "Helli?!"

Brelyn smiled. "It's spelled H-E-D-L-L-I, but it's pronounced how you said it."

Caitlee rubbed her hair, feeling finally appreciated for all of the ink marking she went through, now
that they were visible. "Caitlee Daith. But you can call me 'Sparks.'"

Brelyn smiled again. "Okay, Sparks..." She winked when she said it. "How's about we travel together.
You have Pokemon, right?'

Caitlee looked at her exclaimedly. "Yeah! You, too?!" Brelyn nodded. "Sure."

Brelyn smiled, this time, eyes closed. "You and me..."
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Smog Base Control Room
_____________________


Triton, alone since Brodie had left and the others had all fallen into the water, poked his head
outside the broken window. Heavern flapped anxiously right above the water, waiting for any trainers
to surface. Narcissus's unconscious body touched the shoreline, hands laying on the sand.

"I hated to see this one." Triton's face turned disgusted, but as he looked up, he spotted Caitlee and
Brelyn walking along the shore towards the base. Feeling rather irritated about another infiltration
possibly happening, he took a black walkie-talkie out of his pocket and screamed into it. "X! X!!!
Come in! It's Triton! We have another round of pests coming! X!!"

A reply came shortly, but in a calmer tone. It was X, but something was different. "I hear you, Triton.
We... I will meet you there." Then, the speaker went dead. Triton threw it into a garbage can that
conveniently was next to him.

"Ok... But why'd he say 'we'?" Triton pondered. The silence previously present returned as silent as
fog in the night, leaving him in deafened thought as he sat in an armchair. X's armchair.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Smog Base Hallways
_________________


"Come on, Zakh. This way shouldn't have any grunts on patrol now." Joseph, nicknamed X because
of his X-shaped wound across his chest, motioned Zakh ahead. They took off down a narrow hall,
certain none would be there.

"Joseph, how long do you think it'll take us to reach the main floor?" Zakh yelled over the clomping
of Joseph's boots.

"I'd say about 15 minutes if all goes according to plan." Joseph turned his head towards Zakh, then
looked ahead when a tumbling stone rushed between them and stopped at an intersection. A
gray-haired man then came charging out of the black, shadowy hallway. "Duck!" Joseph whispered
violently as they rushed behind a wall jutting into the side of the hall. "It's Cronus. Give me a
minute..." He held an arm out, straight into Cronus's path. "This oughdda..." A loud slap echoed
through the hallway; Cronus's limp body crashed onto the floor of the hall, face-first. "He's definitely
KOed."

Zakh couldn't help but snicker at this. "Ok... Let's put him in the broom closet."

Joseph winked. "Zakh, my friend. You are a naughty boy..." But he carried on with the plan, stuffing
Cronus into the closet next to them and locking it shut with his key. "Let's go!" Zakh nodded
unhesitantly as he followed X farther down the corridor.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ruogun Lake
___________


As Brelyn and Caitlee, or Sparks, walked along the shoreline, Brelyn stepped on something. "Yikes!
What the heck?!" Narcissus's waterlogged body held its hand out on the sand.

Caitlee slumped on one knee, licking her snake bites in thought. "You think he's dead?"

Brelyn felt his back. A pulse was still emanating from him. "Of course not, Sparks. If you had just
felt his pulse. He's just knocked out."

Caitlee sighed and turned him over. The S intrigued her. "What's this?"

Brelyn leaned over him, inspecting the logo. "...It's the S. It stands for Team Smog."

Caitlee looked up, accidently catching her ponytail on his belt, but yanked it free in slight pain.
"What does that mean?"

Brelyn felt a tingle in her throat, tracing it back to her snake coil. "Jesus Christ. Whenever I get
a weird feeling about something, my snake coil just rattles like it has a stinger. I just don't get it."

Caitlee looked at her awkwardly. "Go on..." She licked her snake bites one more time. She did this
regularly as a habit, since she had them in two years back.

Brelyn went on ahead, seeming to never run out of info. "Smog is the evil team here in the Rennto
region, and one not to be toyed with. It's rumored they trump even Team Galactic in terms of insane
schemes. But what makes matters worse is their battling. They are a band of mostly grunts doing
the dirty work, but their head members are second-to-none in battlin skill and decisive tactics.
They go as far as throwing a bomb-rigged PokeBall. They're definitely a team who's force is to be
reckoned with, Sparks."

Caitlee nodded at this level of knowledge she possessed, but then added something to heat it up.
"I see, but what's that?" Brelyn turned to where her finger pointed; her pupils grew greatly in size
as she looked at the towering building above them.

Brelyn's snake rattle vibrated worse than ever. "I-Its... The Smog Base." She stepped back
hesitantly, landing on Narcissus's hand, then jumping off and almost shrieked.

Caitlee licked her snake bites nervously. "...Wow." She stood up, glaring at the tower. "Well, should
we go in?"

Brelyn looked at her in a heartbeat with a face that suggested she was insane. "Maybe..." Something
making her coils vibrate again jumped her train of thought right into a ravine. "Look..."

"What no-" Caitlee turned and watched in shock as three boys younger than them surfaced
face-down in the freezing water of Ruogun Lake. A golden dragon was flapping next to them.

Brelyn nudged Caitlee rather forcefully. "What're you waiting for, Pearl Harbor?! Let's rescue them!"
They waded into the water quick as a lightning bolt after them.

Meanwhile, Narcissus's head reared up and turned towards Brelyn and Caitlee. "Time to die, kids..."
Then, his throat gasped and he belched a smoke cloud from his lungs. "Oh, cr-" He dropped on the
spot, courtesy of Brodie's fist, into a coma.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Here's 32 with new characters, Brelyn and Caitlee. They're a new bunch the likes I've never written about before. Enjoy, -David
 
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I did. Glad you like it.

33 is in the works. Right now, I'm drawing version of the protagonists and prominent antagonists.
Shandon, Derrick, Caleb, Zakh, Koros, Caitlee, Brelyn, a future one named Camryn, X or Joseph, Brodie,
Triton, and Narcissus have all been drawn.

-David
 
I'm planning to have 33 up soon. Maybe tomorrow afternoon. If not, next week. I also have more
plans for this to go on to 60-70. :lol:

I've also drawn two future ones in Brynna and Natalie, Geneva, Tyler, Proteus, Nereid, Typhon, Ulter,
and the standard b/g Smog grunts. I'm not sure if there is anyone else to draw. Anyone?

Please, someone post after this so I don't have edit this post. It pains me to do that...
-David
 
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